D's Manifesto

Jan 2012 - Commitment

2012-01-10T23:21:00.000-08:00

I'm putting in writing what I've been feeling for a long time but my health has not allowed. Now, with a new year I've got a new commitment. I plan on fulfilling this by May. God will give me the strength I don't have and the courage I'm lacking. The support will come from my husband and the desire from my heart. 6 years is too long. My foot is down and it's walking out the door.

Here's to making a change, I will be posting my commitment and the status of it. Stay tuned. Great things are in my future, I'm sure of it. God is more in control then ever before.

Smiles,

Dena <3

Jury Is Out - Surgery 4/8/11

2011-04-01T00:22:00.000-07:00

As many of you may have already heard the news I wanted to also placing this in my personal blog. I find this very helpful when I'm able to look back at situations in my life and see how God answered prayers and showed grace and mercy when undeserved, how I either stumbled or grew.

FB - Blog --My test came back positive for cancer. My cancer antigen and my white-blood cell count where way out of normal range. I've got a 50/50 shot of it being cancer. The doc will 1st go in with a camera laparoscopic and examine my uterus. If he see's any sign of cancer then he will pull out and be done and I will get referred to an oncologist. If no sign of cancer he will then will proceed with standard hysterectomy. I will be in the hospital for 3-7 days at Banner Estrella in Avondale on Friday 4/8. Friends, I feel positive that God is fully in control. I have ultimate peace and just ready to move forward. I love you all.

Friends, it was heartbreaking for me as I made the long walk from the Doctors office lobby to room 5 as I waited patiently for the doctor. Trying hard to focus on peace and prayer I could feel the chill creep over me as the longer Ryan and I waited the more worrisome I had become. I had a million scenarios run through my head as how the conversation may go. How would I handle the good? How would I handle the bad and anything else? What if it was all bad? How am I going to react?

I can honestly say those thrity minutes sitting in the room was torture. Ryan did his best to keep my mind busy and in conversation so I would be destracted but I could tell that he was just as worried as I. I was unsure on how to support Ryan, I wasen't sure what to do. This is the man that helps me keep things together and I can see the anxiety and nerves building up in him as we continued to wait. To say the least It was intense.

Finally after waiting approximately one hour Dr. Lorenzo Boyce walked in and said swiftly "Mrs. Busboom, please come with me, we need to talk in my office". WAIT - STOP! WHAT? OMG, I couldn't beleive it. I felt like I was in some daytime TV drama. All the Grey's Anatonmy and Private Practice and every other daytime drama could have never of prepared me for those words.

As I hopped off the bed and proceeded to walk down the hall, my mind went blank. I walked there behind the doctor with my husband behind me just praying. Wishing that at that moment I could just close my eyes. and at this, yes this moment, all my reality was just a dream.

I had been trying hard not to waste energy on the "IF's" in life. My beloved sister Sharon said enouragingly to me, don't waste energy on something you don't know! When she first said these words I didn't get it, though this changed as I walked into the office. I took a deep breath and just thought of one thing, my life and how now, yes now I was living it in slow motion.

I thought of the story in Luke, you know the one. the story of Jesus calming the waters for the very frightened disciples. This story of the disciples having little faith and running to Christ for help when their lives seemed out of control when fear and unhealthy worry consumed them. Going through this story in my head I couldn't believe how God used it. I couldn't believe that I actually thought the last time I studied this story I didn't think how it would ever apply to my life. Being a long time believer I knew about faith and believing, but now, my situation was different. My level of comfort had been compromised, my safety and security seemed to be crashing and I was lacking faith. I was exactly like these disciples. When I recalled this story in my head and the scripture I immediately started to pray. Saying God, this is my storm, this is my boat. I do have faith that you can calm this storm, that you can keep this boat safe and that you Lord you are even more in control now then ever. Lord, I fully trust in you...!

Christ used my obedience as a blessing. He truly had his word become living. You always hear about the living bible. Christ new what I was going to go through, Christ had kept his promise. He had used his word to give me peace and comfort for this exact moment. I only wonder what this moment would be like if I had never studied that story? I can't say, I can only say that I know how God used my obedience and His word to help me, encourage me and bless me for this exact moment.

Dr. Boyce sat himself down in his chair and pulled close to his cluttered desk and grabbed my paperwork. He had a mound of it, everything from previous test, blood-work, ultrasounds, MRI's, x-ray's, spinal taps, and several more medical records all from the last year. As he was shifting through paperwork, he finally stopped looked at me and with great sincerity and he said, "OK, your blood work came back and I have concerns". "I'm afriad that your white-blood cell count is abnormal and your cancer antigen level is dangerously high." Dr. Boyce then proceeded to explain my levels and the abnormality of them. I was shocked when I saw my cancer levels. He explained that normal levels should be around 12 and mine where at 147. OMG, I thought, those numbers where in red and in bold. Reality hit! I immidiately made eye contact with Ryan with fear in my eyes he looked down at me and with just one look Ryan I felt his loving smile and his strong hand holding mine.

Dr. Boyce went on as to say that the odds of having cancer can be minimal and up to 50%. He stated that he felt positive that it wasen't but he needed to be realistic. I totally understood. He explained that with my family history and the fast growth of the tumor he had some concerns and wanted me to undergo surgery for removal immediately. He stated that the tumor had grown from 5.5cm in Jan 2011 to more then 8cm at the end of February 2011. That is almost bigger then a softball! I thought, OMG, I've got a softball sized tumor in my body. He did have concern that this tumor was still growing rapidly and requested that I immidiaty go for a 4th Ultrasound to see the current size prior to surgery. i will also need additional blood-work. This I really don't like since drawing blood from me is no longer an easy task. Dr. Boyce scheduled my surgery for earliest possible. If it was not for needing to get approvals from my insurance I'm sure that the surgery would have been for this week rather then next week 4/8.

Dr. Boyce and I continued to talk about the surgery and my options. We discussed what the surgery would be like, how long it would be, recovery and pain management. Ryan seemed to be more leery of this surgery continuing to ask the questions I never thought of. My mind was in another place off an on during the conversation.

Dr. Boyce continued explaining the procedure and stated because of my chances of it being cancer he would go through my belly button lyprascopic and confirm any signs of cancer. He told me firmly with a straight face that if he even saw the smallest glimpse of cancer he was going to pull the scope out sew me up and call it a day and send me to a oncologist. If no cancer is found he would then continue with standard hysterectomy surgery with a small incesion in my abdomen. He continued to explain that he strongly recommended that I have a full hystrectomy rather then having the tumor/cyst and fibroid removed due to the high likely hood they would return. I explained that I left this decision up to his discretion, that if during surgery both my uterus and ovaries are crippled with endometriosis to proceed with complete extraction and I elect for a complete hysterectomy.

When those words slipped off my tongue I couldn't believe it. It hit me, after this Ryan and I's decision to adopt is the only option. I would never know what it was like to help God with a miracle by having child of our own. I know, I know, Ryan and I have talked over this subject extensively over the last few years since we got the news of not being able to have children. Ryan and I have come to peace regarding adoption over the years but it still doesn't take the sting away of feeling like I will no longer be a complete woman. Minutes passed as Ryan talked to Dr. Boyce as I sat there feeling out of it. Day dreaming as if having an out of body experience.

As we approached the end of our conversation Dr. Boyce looked at me with a peace and security that I can't quite describe. At this moment I only knew that I was trusting this doctor to make the best choice for me and my life. I was completely trusting in God to bless him with ultimate wisdom.

So, the surgery is scheduled, test are scheudled and I will soon be pain free. Praise God. More then that, I've learned a very valueable lesson. That the living word is SOOOOOO living. For some reason today it hit me more then others. It hit me that God prepared me for this months even years ago. That he knew I would be here and that out of my obedience I would have peace. That if I would not have read the below that my feelings towards my circumstance could be different. I'm going to share what I learned only becuase I feel that if it helped me and I KNOW it can help someone else.

God is my amazing strength, my amazing love and my amazing Daddy. He is everything I live for and could not imagine for one second going through this without the love that I've been blessed with.

Calm - a Christian perspective
Luke 8:24
The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm.
------Jesus calms a turbulent storm in this miracle. Despite their closeness to Jesus, the disciples were still afraid for their lives when

Calm - a Christian perspective
Jesus calms a turbulent storm in this miracle. Despite their closeness to Jesus, the disciples were still afraid for their lives when the storm rose, prompting Jesus to chide them for their lack of faith.

Faith is the key that unlocks all the great things God has for you. And He isn't about to let your faith stay the same size. He's in the faith-enlargement business. He's let something come into your life that defies human solution, that overwhelms human answers, so you can experience how big your King really is. When the bad news gets "badder," your God does not get smaller. He's still the Sovereign Lord, the great and powerful God. Let yourself be overwhelmed by the God you have - and you'll find that nothing but Him is truly overwhelming!
Friends and Family, please don't worry I'm in the best of hands, God's hands. As it's said if God is for me and with me, then who can be against me?

Prayer request -
Wisdom for Dr. boyce
Peace for Me and strenght and good health fast recovery
Peace and encouragement for Ryan the man I adore and love
For all my friends and family who are supporting Ryan and I as we go through this journey.

Thank you all - Smiles, DB

Hard Times Chateau Ghetto

2010-12-09T16:47:00.000-08:00

OK, so me and my friend Brittany had a revelation today. As she came over to escape her "crazy" life, we both sat in agreement with responses we have been getting from "some" of our friends and family. Why do people think that because you are going through "crisis" and a "white flag" moment, it is because you/yours have done something wrong? I don't' understand this. I just wrote a similar blog on my "About Me" blog and sat in awe as I wondered, what are people thinking?

I don't get it. I can honestly say that I don't understand why people think that when you go through your "white flag"/ "crisis" moments, you must have done something wrong. I feel deeply, and I believe Brittany feels the same, that it's not always because you have done something wrong, but maybe just merely a teaching moment. This moment does not even need to be for us. It could be for someone who is around us, watching how we handle this situation, and could learn from our difficult time and learn about faith and patience. How to work through a difficult, uncomfortable, unsettling, wanting to wave the flag moment. I have to say there have been several moments in the last month when I've said to my friends and family and my "husband" Ryan, that I'm done. I'm calling it quits, my plate is full, I can't do this. Though I'm encouraged daily that God, the father I love, will never give me more than I can handle. I feel like that is not the case.

I'm then reassured by those close to me, ones I love, who genuinely love me and know my circumstance, who encourage me to stay strong and keep the faith and hold off on the flag waving. I've been lucky to have a husband that has put up with my rants and raves. Friends who will let me bitch about wanting to divorce my husband "only" in joking.. I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have the close friends I have. That I have the ones I love who are willing to come and visits me at my "chateau ghetto". (Though you think I'm kidding, I am really not, come visit and you will see, LOL)

So, through thick, thin, little or big, I'm going through crap. I've got a flag and I will admit at certain times it's waving, and at others I've got my armor up and I will have the sword and shield ready for battle so proceed with caution. Truly know, that if you are special to me, you know where I am. You know how I feel, you know where I am with Christ and how I truly genuinely lean on Him for everything. Christ is my strength and the one I pray to when I lay my head down for bed, the one I praise when I wake up. I'm blessed that I am a child of God and there is a reason for everything.

So, I will say this..Merry Christmas. Life is tough, it sucks, but it's still the reason for the season. It's the reason I can say I'm saved and that I can have bad days and know I"m still saved from eternal dalmation. Thanks Lord for this season, and Merry Christmas to all I love.

Merry Freaking Christmas.

Love you!

Hebrews 11:6 = Earnestly

2010-11-18T11:37:00.000-08:00

Hebrews 11:6

⁶ And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

While going through my journey in Hebrews God has lead me to some pretty amazing heart moments. I've been able to dissect verses and really get what Christ is trying to tell me through them. The one that hit me the hardest thus far is the above verse.

I've have friends and loved ones unfortunately believe and feel that by bieng a good person you will not be forgotten by Christ and that you will not be sent to hell. I was guilty of this. When I was a young Christian I believed this lie. I believed that there is no way that my God, the God of grace and mercy would send good people to hell. I'm afraid it's true though. If you do not seek out Christ out earnestly/diligently you are not saved. Therefore if you are not saved you are not going to Heaven. God makes it that clear. If you're not walking with Christ earnestly/diligently you are not a child of God. If not a child of God he does not know you and you will not be blessed with the Kingdom of heaven.

So, if you don't go to heaven where do you go? I think we know the answer to that, hell. What kills me is we have the opportunity to choose between eternity in heaven or condemnation in hell. God gave us free will. He gave us the ability to choose who we follow. Being a good person does not put you as a shoe in with Christ. If you have not given your life to him and live for him He does not know you. What have you done for Him if not living for him?

Here's my next question, if you have not done anything Christ why should the Lord of Lords do something for you? See, there's the answer, He did. He sent his son to die on the cross for us so we could have eternity with Him in Heaven. So we could be saved.

John 3:16-17 (New International Version)

¹⁶ For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. ¹⁷ For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

You have to make the choice to live for Christ, to give your life to him, to earnestly/diligently seek him, to get to know him as your heavenly father. It's truly that simple. Christ wants you to be saved but you have to want it and seek it. You have to ask Him to come to you, to live in you and through you.

The best part is that once you are saved and you earnestly/diligently walk with Christ you are saved. You are now saved for eternity and you can never loose that salvation. Christ was our sacrifice so you can go to heaven He was your salvation your Savior. You have to make that choice in your heart no one can make it for you. So, what is your choice? Where do you want to go?

Belize - The Eye of the Storm From a Friend

2010-10-25T07:30:00.000-07:00

My dear Friends Basil & Ver de Klerk wrote this and asked for me to share. So, I am.

Dear Supporters;

Our village and the mission base were ground zero for the entry of Hurricane Richard. It made landfall around 6 pm Belize time, at 90 mph. which is a Category 1 just 10 mph shy of being a Category 2.

We know that there was a bus sent to Gales Point to evacuate the villagers but the bus returned to Belize City empty as the villagers will not leave their homes unattended because there are those in the village that would loot their homes if they leave. We are concerned of their well being and safety. We have tried everyone we have a phone # for in the village but no answer.

We were able to reach our friend Margaret Mooney in San Ignacio near the Guatemalan border where Mel and John Bjorgen traveled to be safe. They were there and all of them are safe and sound. Margaret tells me that the whole country has their power and water turned off until the storm passes. Yet we were able to talk with her on her home phone! We're glad that they are all safe.

We will be sending out updates as we connect with those in the village. We are asking that if you know of churches or individuals that are willing to do recovery clean up or rebuilding to please connect with me at 480-268-7983 or my cell 925-200-7012.

We'll keep everyone posted as we learn what's happening. Prayers are of the utmost urgency at this point!

Trusting in Him Alone, Basil and Vera

Belize Mission & Retreat
Founders & Director's - Basil & Vera de Klerk

P.O. Box 2640
Belize City, Belize
Central America

Email: turtleshores@belizemission.org or
turtleshores@lincsat.com

website: www.belizemission.org

Updated regularly

Belize Mission Follow Up

2010-09-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

Friends and Family,

First I want to thank everyone who has so kindly supported me through prayer and financial assistance. God has been amazing these last few weeks as I really start to prepare for my venture to Belize Central America. As you all received my previous support letter I"m going to Belize November 6th to November 13th of this year for a short term mission trip. I'm so excited. God has done some amazing things and I just feel I have to share.

First the prayer support I've been getting has been amazing. I feel the strength and love from Christ and a strong desire to serve this community more then ever. In addition God has been using the missionaries that are placed in Belize in great ways. There has been tragedy in the village, with death, illness and sever injury but they still are strong and doing well. Please continue to pray for our Belize team the missionaries placed there and for myself as I continue to prepare for this wonderful venture.

Second, the financial support has been amazing. People have really stepped up and helped me in this area of need. Though my full amount has not been raised I trust in God fully to do so. As of now I'm still in need of $700.00 to secure my airline ticket to go. If I've not raised enough to purchase my airline ticket by September 12, 2010 I will be taken off the list. Unfortunately as much as I would love to pay for this out of pocket I just do not have it right now. I fully trust in God to provide. God clearly says in the bible we are to serve or support those who do. I need your support. I so badly want to continue to serve this community and to serve my God that has been so faithful. Will you rise to the call and support me? If not will you please continue to pray?

I know times are tough and we are in an era that economic security is not at it's best but I trust in God and you that my needs for this trip will be met. I seriously can not express to you my gratitude of how fortunate I am for all you. You have stood by side in life and helped me be who I am in Christ today. Thank you! I hope you all I know that you hold a special place in my heart. If for some reason you never received my first support letter I've attached it. Once again, I can't thank you enough!

You can either send support to me @
Dena Busboom
351 N. Peart Rd
#1313
Casa Grande, AZ 85122
Please address all checks to Cornerstone with Dena Busboom as the memo

Or you can go online @ www.cschandler.com/mission. You will need to create an account through Cornerstone if you do not already have one. You can also visit my blog www.ddbusboom.blogspot.com and you can donate there as well.

Once again, I thank you so much!

His Love,
Dena Busboom

Definition

2010-08-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

Main Entry: so·cial·ism

Pronunciation: \ˈsō-shə-ˌli-zəm\

Function: noun

Date: 1837

1 : any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods
2 a : a system of society or group living in which there is no private property b : a system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state
3 : a stage of society in Marxist theory transitional between capitalism and communism and distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay according to work done

This is what America, the land of the free has come to. Just my opinion. I'm lucky that I can still share this without worry of repercussion from my government. I'm afraid this may not always be the case.

WE Not I - Exodus 20:16

2010-08-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

I Facebooked earlier today regarding a subject that hit me like a 10 ton truck. I was spending time in the word and I was casually going through Titus, Joel, Philemon really trying to get myself ready for Jr. High Small groups. I really wanted to be able to have a precise direction of God’s will and what he wanted me to be for these girls. It then hit me. Not only do I need to be this for my Jr. High Girls but what about Jenny? Maggie, Emma or any other young girl in my life I adore? Am i being called a pillar? Am I considered righteous and loved? I was then hit with grief. I have to make some changes. I’ve so simply fallen into this worldly pattern. I’ve have to make them NOW!

I was watching an Olde Timer show you may know, Little House on the Prairie. The one show I watched was about the Pen & Plow newspaper that had come to Walnut Grove (the Town of the show). This show then went on to show how destructive, half truths, gossip and flat out lies can hurt people. How, we have he mentality that if it’s not about us and we are not the ones getting hurt then it doesn’t matter. This is obviously wrong thinking.

As an aunt sister, host mom and Jr High leader I feel compelled to be the woman Christ as always wanted me to be and how Christ intended for all woman to be. Even back in the late 1800’s when we thought there could be few cares in the world, woman where still struggling with the sin of gossip and lies. Now, don’t get me wrong, men suffer from this as well. Though you will not catch many men with a Vogue, Glamour or Vanity Fair in their hands. Why are we (woman) so compelled to read such garbage? Reason? Our sinful nature. It was told a few weeks back in church that Satan is out to kill us. (for we cannot share the gospel if we are dead). If we are not stead fast in our praise and worship to Christ we are left vulnerable. This leads us weakened to temptation and then to sin and death. We can change this but we have to make that choice to change!

Change, yes this can be uncomfortable and not always easy. God never promised easy. He promised eternal life and love, grace and mercy. So, would you rather have a life that is easy and you go to the Hell? (yes I said it) Or a life that is more difficult with challenges you learn from, grow from so that you can in return teach others so they do not make those same mistakes?

Christ died as a perfect example of life. He died on the cross so that we could have eternal life. He did this for total strangers, you...me..... What legacy are we leaving since Christ died? What examples are we giving to our daughters and woman of Christ? How are we helping our young woman of today grow up to be amazing Pillars in our community? Are we teaching them to be respected and have more self confidence as God created them? No, our magazine, television, words and actions are being destructive. Ladies, we first have to lead by example. I strongly believe this. Now, I’m not perfect and I’ll never will be but! I do have a God that loves and forgives but we must have a heart that we except his forgiveness. He can wipe the slate clean and help US to heal. Christ does not promise that there is not scarring from that slate being wiped clean. There will always be scars and remnants remaining from those who hurt you and those you have hurt.

We need stand up! We need to encourage our daughters in Christ to stand up, stand firm! We need to teach them that this life is more then being popular, pretty or thin or anything other label. Life is about love, respect for others and for yourself. If we don't’ respect ourselves, well with Christ living through us we are not respecting Christ.

Everything can be changed with 1 action, that 1 actions causes a reaction. Like a water drop in a still pond. Those waves will go on till they have reached the ends of the water. If we were to stand up against gossip, half truths and lies we might, just might be able to help this generation. Help prevent people from getting hurt, help raise the self confidence level in our daughters that are being told daily that they do not meet “society’s” image. Woman, we know this is not true. God created us in his image and none other. If we are in his image, what mistake can be made? God is a perfect God. We need to teach and raise up our daughters. This needs to be a different generation. WE can do this. WE!

Update -

2010-08-14T22:40:00.000-07:00

Friends and Family,
If you follow me. Thank you. Please check out my blog. I've done some updates to it. I've worked on my html skills. Nothing super impressive but I'm proud I finally got this done. I've been meaning to do this for A LONG time.

Smiles,

www.ddbusboom.blogsport.com (if you are on Facebook you will not be able to see updates unless you visit the link)

Thanks,
Dena

Belize Mission Trip Nov 6th thru 12th

2010-08-11T23:38:00.001-07:00

Dear Family and Friends,
Greetings! I pray that this letter finds you and your family well. I have great news. God has given me the opportunity to go to the village of Gales Point Belize in Central America, not only to answer my prayer of being able to serve this community again that I so dearly love, but also to join Him in His work there.
On November 6th 2010, I will be departing for this mission trip for 7 days. Once again my heart to serve is being called to a community that so desperately needs it. I will be going down with a team of 25 individuals. On our mission there, we will be supplying medical supplies, restoring buildings that are damaged and conducting vacation bible school lessons for the village. This community is living at a poverty level that is struggling. Over the years through the help of Cornerstone Christian Fellowship and several other churches this community has risen above, though there is still work to be done. Gales Point lack’s government support and funding due to their location and size. This is a community that wishes to do more then strive, they have the determination, they just need the support and love to do it! That is exactly why we are going down there and why I’m so in love with them.

Friends and Family this trip is being funded entirely through donations, which means that I must raise my own financial support for this trip. Everything that we will be using on the trip must be taken with us; this includes all of the medical supplies, medications, building supplies, and education supplies etc.. Any unused supplies will be left with the missionaries stationed there. Every penny I collect will be used for my support and go to Village of Gales Point. I must raise $750.00 minimum by Sept 12th to hold my airfare or I will not be able to go and serve.
I am excited about the opportunity to serve and to do ministry, and I ask you to join me in this ministry. I am seeking your support and prayers for this mission trip. If you are able to assist with this trip, I would ask that you forward any donations to me by either going online to www.cschandler.com/missions and supporting me via credit card or if you choose by check or money order, please it payable to "Cornerstone” and mail it to

Dena Busboom

351 N. Peart Rd

Unit 1313

Casa Grande, AZ 85122

If you send check or money order please notate my last name BUSBOOM somewhere on the check so that Cornerstone knows who to assign the funds to. I will be able to supply any accounting records of funds earned and used and will be available, should you desire to see it, upon our return from Belize. So friends, family will you help support me? If your are not able to financially support me will you do so by prayer? God works in the biggest ways through the smallest efforts. Please join me as I prepare for this mission trip,
I thank you in advance for your prayers and your financial support. May God bless you richly!

His Love,

Dena Busboom

Healing

2010-08-08T22:58:00.000-07:00

I got the devastating news today of a very close friend of the family and their loss of their oldest son due to a car accident. It brings back floods of emmotions of the overwhelming feelings that come with a loss of a loved one. I think back that just simply one year ago I lost my mother so she could be with the Lord. I know that child is in the hands of God and my mama but still makes me so sad. This whole time of year will forever have a different stigma for me. As many or excited about getting ready for the new school year and Fall quickly approaching, I can’t help but remember what I was doing a year ago today and how differently my life was.

I’m so blessed to have such a wonderful foregien exchange studen Jenny from Germay staying with us. She is a breath of fresh air and it is very rewarding to have her here. It really helps me truly feel like I’m a woman of Christ designed to be a wife, home maker, mother and caregiver. I often find myself doing or saying things my mom did. How I remember saying OH, I will never be like my mother. Funny, how now, I find that to be such a complement.

They say time heals all wounds, slowly but surely. The only bad thing is that healing, well...It’s painful. It’s promised to happen by our sweet Lord but He never promises the road of healing to be easy. I tell myself that everything is God’s plan. That His wisdom is infinite. I fall on His love and know that He has my mommy and one day, yes one day I will be back with her.

So, yes this time of year will be filled with some sadness but also joy. I rest in peace knowing that she is with my Lord. How truly blessed I am. This last year so many amazing woman have been in my life and stepped into place and helped me when I didn’t know I could be helped with my mom being gone. Just shows that even the small stuff God cares about. Even the small stuff.

So, thsi Fall, this school year and every eyar after that. Yeah it will come, I will have moments of sadness but I will also know, it’s OK. Never easy but it’s OK. Thank the Lord for Grace, Mercy, Joy and Love. How lucky I am... How lucky I am....

ZIPLOC OMELET

2010-05-22T14:35:00.000-07:00

ZIPLOC OMELET

(This works great !!! Good for when all your family is together. The best part is that no one has to wait for their special omelet !!!)

Have guests write their name on a quart-size Ziploc freezer bag with permanent marker.

Crack 2 eggs (large or extra-large) into the bag (not more than 2) shake to combine them..

Put out a variety of ingredients such as: cheeses, ham, onion, green pepper, tomato, hash browns, salsa, etc.

Each guest adds prepared ingredients of choice to their bag and shake. Make sure to get the air out of the bag and zip it up.

Place the bags into rolling, boiling water for exactly 13 minutes [we did 15 minutes]. You can usually cook 6-8 omelets in a large pot. For more, make another pot of boiling water.

Open the bags and the omelet will roll out easily. Be prepared for everyone to be amazed.

Nice to serve with fresh fruit and coffee cake; everyone gets involved in the process and a great conversation piece...

Roses for Mama

2010-05-11T11:31:00.001-07:00

I got this from my sister Shay and wanted to share it.... Thanks for Sharing Shay!

If roses grow in Heaven, Lord Please pick a bunch for me. Place them in my Mother's arms and tell her they're from me. Tell her I love her and miss her, and when she turns to smile, Place a kiss upon her cheek and hold her for a while. Because remembering her is easy, I do it everyday, But there is an ache within my he...art That will never go away...I borrowed this from someone else, I miss my Momma.

Praise God!

2010-04-19T09:17:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Who I adore so much, God is so great! I just saw the most beautiful thing I have seen in a long time. God truly knows my heart and this is why. Last year I experienced a difficult loss that required me to need some healing and with this I was not able to go on any missions trips. Recently, I have sincerely been praying for just that, healing and health so I may go back to the mission field. I have been praying that God will allow me to go back to Belize to serve God and share HIS amazing love! I did not think I would be able to go again this year due to my PTO. This last March marks my five year anniversary with IKON. With that you get an extra week of PTO. Due to my illness in the last year I was not expecting my additional week. Guess what! I checked my vacation balance today and I got my extra week plus an extra day I got a service award! YEAH! God is SO GOOD…. I am going to Belize in November and I cannot wait. It truly is making me jump for joy at the thought of being able to serve again in a country where I adore the people so and who have such a craving for Christ!

So, prayer request. Please pray that I can stay healthy and not have to use any PTO and that I can raise the money. Praise God I am so excited…………I LOVE MISSIONS – more than that I LVOE MY LORD who knows me and blesses my heart!

Thanks everyone ! Love ya!

Recovery

2010-04-16T08:07:00.001-07:00

It's been months since I have written down anything (via Blog) on how I feel or where I have been. I have only been able to do brief statements here and there in regards to what and how I am doing in life these days. I took a pretty hard blow back on September 9, 2009 of last year when I woke up to a door bell in the house which was the alarm by my mother’s bedside in case she ever needed us. IN this case it was not my mom ringing it but my dear Aunt Nell telling me my mom is taking her final breaths. In this moment I have to say watching my mom struggle those last breaths killed me but to see her finally breath that last breath and be let go into the hand of God was miraculous. The OH Thank God she is not in pain anymore passed. I was praising God for now I knew my mother was no longer in pain. I knew she would never feel the frustration of wanting to say something and not being able to due to the tumor affecting all her motor skills. In those last days with my mom I was honored to be by her side night and day and would not change that. I was honored when God finally took her to His kingdom and rescued her soul. I guess going through the last month of slowly watching my mom deteriorate in front of me was healing but not till months would I see the impact of that on me. Not till I get back home and try to go back to life as normal did I realize it was not normal. My mom was gone, no longer with me. I could no longer pick up the phone talk to her, ask for her to come over, help me to decorate my house all the things that I have dreamed of her being her for she’s not. I began to feel robbed and frustrated. I started to feel like I was denied of having my mother and terribly jealous of those around me who still had theirs. The jealousy was towards everyone, even my sisters since they got to have more years with her, have kids and have mom’s help with raising them and babysitting them. Every day I tried to turn to God to help me deal with this feeling I have never felt but I let It get deeper and deeper and really no matter how much I read the bible and was praying to God to make the hurt go away, it wouldn’t. I was told the hurt shows I care; the hurt is good that meant I loved her. I understood that just never imagined it lasting so long. There were days at a time where I didn’t’ want to breath or get up due to I didn’t want anything to remind me of my her. I had pulled a poor me and it was about to end.

Several months later, conversations passed, counseling sessions and multiple trips to the ER for migraines my mother’s birthday came. I was not looking forward to this day because it was the day that I always rejoiced my mother. We always had family dinners and get together I got to see my mom definitely smile on her birthday. This day was different. I kept my chin held high and tried my best to fight back any emotion. I tried to talk about it and write down my feelings I tried to do all the things that my counselor was educating me to do when I started to feel overwhelmed about the loss of my mother I could not forget. I could not put it permanently in the back of my mind. I couldn’t forget, no matter what I tried it only seemed to take the sting away from the wound. I got up that morning told myself to breathe in and out and then the day was over. Nothing fancy about it, it came it went. During this entirely to long of a day I spent some time with my sisters and just tried to make the time go by more quickly. They (my sisters) had made it clear they did not want to hang out just because it was mom’s birthday and really didn’t want her brought up. I had to understand real quickly that we are all processing mom death differently. I seemed to want to talk about it and celebrate things about her every day. I am alone with this version of grief. I have learned to accept it and that it is OK. It does not mean they love mom any less, though at first it was hard for me to understand.

I still have bad days where I don’t want to get up. Or when someone mentions kids and I want to break inside all over knowing my mother will never physically be there for me or her future grandbabies. Sure, I know she will be there angel and she is there and God is there but honestly I want to be selfish and say NO GOD I want her WITH me. Of course there is a bigger picture and I have learned that God plan is perfect. Though not easy, it’s perfect. So, here I am April 16, 2010 and living without my mom. I am prepping myself for the next big day actually two days. My birthday and Mothers day are around the corner. The commercials are out worldwide, its being known that Mother’s day is approaching quickly. Just when I feel I am really healing I feel like I take a step backwards, for me it’s just a tragedy that it’s this hard to live without her.

Something wonderful happen to me last week, I was reading the bible and I discovered a verse I knew I had read a million times but it had finally hit me. Hebrew 11:1 - Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
I was able to really pray on this verse hoping for some much needed insight as to how to handle this upcoming event. As my counselor would say pray, read the bible and write down your emotions. I have kept a journal more now than ever before and it is very healing. I have been able to go back to moments in my healing when I didn’t see the light at he end of tunnel and truly start to see God’s grace appear everywhere. I can see where he had helped me through this but I needed to help myself first. I lost some of myself when I lost my mom true but I feel I have gained so much emotionally with this. I truly wish there could have been a different way but like the bible says, God’s plan is always the perfect way!

So, yes mother’s day is coming and so is my birthday. I will get up out of bed, I will keep my chin up and I will smile. I will be able to talk about my mom and I might cry and that is OK. I’ve learned its ok to feel a lot of emotions. You don’t always have to be OK. It’s ok not to be OK. *(LOL)*. I am so thankful for the most supportive family and friends ever and especially my dear husband Ryan. I have NO idea what I would have done if He was not by my side through all this. So many have helped me in ways that I never thought I could be helped. I never thought I needed help and once I admitted it and got the help I needed life got a little easier to handle. I am thankful to a push big sister for this one, thanks Sharon! I was able to once again fall back on the wonderful teaching of Christ, that He will always be there and He loves me infinitely. I turn to Him for everything and couldn’t’ imagine a day without Him. Good or bad He is my Lord who saved my mom that day and every day prior and that, well that is what I think about when I want to think of my mom. That she got to hang out with God first and that, well, that makes me jealous too. I love you mom and I thank you God for giving me a mom I could love so dearly. I also thank God for helping me heal and come back to the place where I sincerely know Him.

Thank Goodness for Non-Profit Organizations and Social Workers!

2009-08-22T01:17:00.000-07:00

Friends and Family good early morning to you, this is Dena the baby of the family and I have been so blessed and wanted to share it with others in case you too where going or in the same predicament

See, today my friend at work had mentioned to me that when her grandfather went into hospice with a similar brain cancer they her and her mother where able to get airplane tickets at a discounted rate if not for free so they could fly from AZ to AK. With this information burning in my brain I made a direct phone call to mom’s in home social worker Kathy and from there I received great news. I will more than likely be able to get a free ticket to go out and see mom one more time before she passes. I cried when I heard this news. I was so thrilled that I could feel my heart and soul leap with joy. I can’t praise God enough on how lucky I truly am!

I will hopefully find out soon when and what I fly. All I know is that everyday God seems to teach me something else and I am never short of being completely amazed on how faithful God is when you trust in Him. I am hoping to be able to come out Labor Day weekend to see mom. I still miss her so much. It is so difficult to be away from her. I call her everyday and tell her I love her and miss her and she in return has been able to tell me how she loves and misses me too. I cherish these moments.

So, for all you others that could be going through the same situation with a direct family member going into hospice with a terminal disease, you have tons of resources available to you if you just ask your social worker. These people are blessings and are a very valuable tool. I never really understood what a social worker did till now but now I can fully support and be thankful for their job.

Family and Friends, once again I will continue to update you and give you status updates on mom. As far as her health the only news I got different is that mom’s tumor is causing her brain to tell her she is NOT hungry. With this my aunt’s (Aunt Lynn & Aunt Nell) and my sister Shay have been having to coheres my mother into eating and tell her the disease is fooling her into thinking she is not hungry and that she does need to CONTINUE to eat. Though I was saddened with this news, I was rejoiced with the fact that I have such a loyal family unit taking care of my mother and ensuring me that Mom is getting exactly what she needs. She also saw her in home nurse as well and a positive report was given from her as well.

Continue to pray and I will continue to keep you informed on mom’s status. From my family to yours, we would like to thank you very much for your prayers and support thus far in my mom’s journey. We love you all. Can’t tell you enough on how lucky we truly are to have suggest a Godly woman as a mother.

I wish you a great early morning?

Smiles,

The Stages

2009-08-20T15:12:00.000-07:00

The five stages of grief:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? This is so unfair! Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

Stages of Grief

2009-08-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

I keep having this mental debate with myself if I am gong through this or not. I wish the answer was simplier. Then again I wish I dind't even have to go through this. Once again I have to keep the faith that Christ is in control. Imagine those that don't have a personal relationship with Him? How would they deal... I am lukcy I will never have to experience that...

The five stages of grief:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? This is so unfair! Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

Good Day

2009-08-19T21:36:00.000-07:00

Good Evening, this is Dena daughter #4 and I have great news. Today was a spectacular day for my mom. When I called this evening to check on her and get a status update from Shay (sister #2) I got nothing but positive news. To start she got her appetite back! She had a great breakfast as well as one of her favorite lunches which is a Pizza Hut thin crust supreme pizza along with her favorite drink an ice cold coke.
Mom continues to surprise me more every day. Though she has her good and bad days, I prefer to hear the good of course, Friends and family It was such a blessing to hear my mom’s voice today. Though it’s not the same conversation as the past, she was able to muster up the energy today to say I love you, I miss you and bye. This may not seem like a lot but for my mom this takes up every bit of energy she has. Most of the time you only get sentences or groups of words after she has rested for a long period of time and her mind has had time to be still and not race with rapid thoughts.
Though every day is still hard for us for we never know if this will be the day she will go to be with the lord. I am happy that I can stay rest assured that this is God’s plan and not mine and I must continue to have faith. I’m confident that not only was my mom an amazing mother but a believer. When her times comes she will be absent in body and present with the Lord. Please continue to pray for her as her journey continues every day with the highs and lows. My sisters and I count everyday as a blessing from God!.
How I wish I could be with her and see her everyday and being away is a challenge for my heart. I’m lucky that I have been able to talk to her and this gives me great peace and comfort. I just can’t wait till we can get internet up and running at Shay’s so I can video conference with her and see her loving face once again.
Please continue to pray for my mom as she has the fight of her life. Pray for my family as we go through the difficult choices that lie ahead, that this will bring us even closer together then ever before. Thank you friends and family for all your support and prayers. My sisters and I would not know what to do without the loving support from our friends and family. We are truly so fortunate. I promise we will write again soon with more updates. From My family to yours we wish you a good night.
Dena (#4)

The Beginning of a Journey - Mom

2009-08-17T07:18:00.000-07:00

Background Story
Our journey began on August 10, 2009 with the news that Mom (Barbara) had fallen while she was visiting with her sister Lynn Lamb in Ft Worth, Texas for the summer. She was taken to Baylor Medical Center Grapevine, where they discovered she had a large mass in her brain. Several tests, days and hospitals later she was in the ICU at Baylor Medical Center in Dallas and diagnosed with a giliablastoma brain tumor. The neurologists explained that the size, location and condition of t he tumor prevented any further treatment. He explained that the tumor (and cancer) had taken over the majority of her brain. His recommendation was to move her into hospice care and make her as comfortable as possible. We decided the best place for her was back in Lubbock, Texas (her home town) and receive in home hospice care at Shay's home. And so the journey begins... We hope this website will give you a chance to stay connected with us (and mom/Barbara) even if you are far away.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/barbarabillings/mystory

Prayer Request

2009-06-04T07:44:00.000-07:00

Friends and Family,
Today is an important day! Ryan and I have been given the hope of possibly becoming parents. See my best friend Jennifer of 23 years sister in-law is pregnant at 18 with child #2. The family is all encouraging her to place the baby up for adoption and consider Ryan and I for the parents. This is a huge commitment. Marilyn is afraid of giving up a child and the fear of loosing her support system of her family.

Ryan and I ask this of you please, to pray these two things. 1st and foremost that this is God's will, that if it's not His will that doors will close. 2nd that God can soften Marilyn's heart and prepare it if His will if it is adoption.

We know there is a lot of emotions that go with a choice like this and we do not want to make any choice in haste. Please also pray for Ryan and I. That we can be level headed and full of God's wisdom during this time. More then ever Ryan and I want to be parents and we feel no timing is better then God's and that is what we are hoping this is.

The family is a meeting to discuss the options with Marilyn this evening. Please join with us in prayer that God will work through the family and through Marilyn. That if adoption is considered and Ryan and I not the choice that another couple can be blessed through this. So many things so far have already gone right I am just praying it continues to happen. Thank you again.

His Grip,

Ryan and Dena

Test Results

2009-05-05T14:45:00.000-07:00

Loved Ones,
I got my test results back today from the multitude of tests that where done last week. My Evoked Potential test came back positive for optic nerve damage and therefore showing a diagnosis of MS. My neuro-muscular doctor Dr. Ladha is going to be working along side with both my neuro-ophthalmologist and my neurologist to treat this. Though there is no cure I have full faith that through Christ all things are possible.

Though times have been difficult I know they could be far worst. I am blessed to live the life I have. I simply ask that as I continue to go down this road of treatment and more answers that you will pray with me, that my courage and strength stay strong and I can continue to be healthy and feeling well. As well as that Ryan and I continue to have strength in our marriage for the challenges that lie ahead. Ryan I truly desire to have a marriage that is focused on Him.

I have several more tests coming in the near future to determine the progression of my MS. By no means am I out of the water. I have been told that I will probably suffer from Acute Migraines the rest of my life and my neurologist is working closely with me to get these under control. They are working hard to get them treatable at home rather then ER visits. My optic nerve (my right eye) has been the trigger for the migraines all this time. As funny as it sounds I am thrilled they’re finally answers!

I love you all thank you for all your support over the past few years. It has been a rough at times. Ryan and I both know we could not have done this with out the loving support of our Lord and secondly the great friends and family we have along our side. Ryan and I consider ourselves extremely blessed! Thank you for always being there!

In His Grip,

Dena

Desiree & Jake's Engagement Pictures 2009

2009-04-13T14:55:00.000-07:00

Zanzibar Cafe

2009-04-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share one of my favorite places. If you are ever in San Diego, CA in the Pacific Beach district you must stop by this delicious beautiful cafe. I will keep it simple saying it is refreshing and delicious! Love it!

Jason's Deli & Migraines

2009-04-03T12:04:00.000-07:00

So, today for lunch I was debating where I wanted to order from. Jason's deli was mentioned by a co-worker so, out of curiosity I went to their web site to look @ their menu. Note - I have ordered from their before but I was trying to branch out and try something new. Well, to continue in the process of ordering I saw this video on their website. After seeing this clever little video I was blown away. I found out that Jason's Deli is these things:1. Organic (got to love that!) 2. No Trans Fats 3. No MSG. Plus delivered fresh and hand picked fruits and vegetables. Holy COW!.

Ok, so you might be asking why this is such a big deal to me. Well, with the recent migraine attacks I have had I have been put on a pretty strict diet that eliminates eating out quite a bit. This is because so many places have preservatives, nitrates and additives to their food that actually can trigger migraines. So, when I found out that the two things that can prevent my migraines Jason's Deli does I was literally jumping for joy. For people who suffer from migraines this is huge. Anyways, so, I am sold. How can you not love a place like this! Plus they deliver!

Just my thoughts - good food and good for you. - What a thought?

Southern Ten Commandments

2009-02-23T10:42:00.000-08:00

Ten Commandments
Some people have trouble with all those 'shall's' and 'shall not's' in the Ten Commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those terms. So, in middle ARKANSAS they translated the 'King James' into ' Pulaski County ' language.....no joke posted on the wall at Possum Hollow Church in North Little Rock, AR.

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin'
(7) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(8) Don't take what ain't yers
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Now that's plain an' simple. Y'all have a nice day!

A little Late you Think?

2009-02-02T10:37:00.000-08:00

So, Funny Story. With all the craziness I have endured over the last couple of months I am just now this week getting my thank you cards out to those that so graciously supported me. I am so thankful for the loving and understanding friends and family that stepped up and helped me. I am fortunate enough that hopefully in October once again I will be able to go. YEAH...

Catch Up - Happy New Year!

2009-01-19T13:30:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends and Family,
Yes I am fully aware of how long it has been since I last blogged so, I will do my best to play catch up. Great things have happened since the beginning of December when I last blogged. Let me fill you in.
1st - Ryan and I are officially on board to have kids the end of this month. Anyone who knows our story knows we have had to take extra measure to accomplish this. So, we are doing a version of invitro (not the expensive one, LOL) if all goes well it will happen the end of this month, and by the end of this year we could be parents, YES!)
2nd - Ryan’s contract with Apple ended a month early this month; this was a bit stressful at first. Ryan had been working for them for the last several months doing tech support and he really enjoyed it. He is pending a phone call for a new contract possible permanent position. This is a huge prayer request, this would really financially help us..
3rd - My health has been amazing! With the wild and crazy year I have had it has been a huge answered prayer that my migraines and my MG have pretty much vanished! When I visited my neuromuscular doctor last month he stated he no longer believes I have MG. The problems and the symptoms of MG has faded away as erased on a white board. Now, let me set the record straight. I still have a wandering eye and a bit of an lazy eye but it seems to be improving more everyday. The doctor thinks my problem with my right eye can easily be corrected with surgery. Can I get a Hip Hip Hurray? He has referred me to a wonderful eye surgeon that I love. Ryan and I have a decision and a lot of prayer with this choice though. We do not know if I should do this pre-baby or post. No decision has been made yet. In conjunction with that great news I have completely been taken off my IVIG treatments that I have lived with for the past year. No more IV's, harsh pain meds or other drugs. Now, I still have my port and have to get it flushed once a month but that is nothing compared to the two times a month at 8 hours a day of being hooked up to an IV pump. Then to add to that as many of you know the 3 three days following I had to walk on egg shells to avoid the emergency room due to horrible migraines. I am thrilled and feel more energetic then ever. God has really laid his hand of blessing over Ryan and I. I am proud to say that I am back to being able to run which I have always loved, thought not difficult, I love it the same. Now I can't run like I did in 05 but I am slowly getting there. Time is on my side.

Christmas came and went and it was filled with blessings. Ryan had to work the holiday so no traveling for us. We stayed here and spent the Holiday with my family. Even though this was the year we where supposed to be with the Busboom's in CA. We have so much catching up to do. We have been lucky with family coming out twice to visit. In fact my sister in-law is in town as we speak now with the girls Ellie and Ava. Amy (my sister in-law) and her husband got tickets to the Cardinals game, which brings me to the 4th best thing that has happened.
4th - The Cardinals won the NFC's championship against the Eagles and are going to Super Bowl XLIII in Tampa Bay. The Cardinals are facing off against the Pittsburgh Steelers. YEAH! How I wish I could be at the game. Yes ladies and gentlemen I am not a fair weather fan, though the Cardinals have not been good I have been here. Honestly probably not as loyal but still here. So, I am thrilled they have beat the curse and after 61 years got a championship under there belt once again!
So, friends and family it has been an amazing period of my life and every day it truly gets better. I have been able to keep in contact with old friends stay in contact with current friends, stay close to family and just really truly feel what genuine love is not only by those I love but by God. I have had so many true blessings that it is quite overwhelming. He never seems to disappoint me, valleys or peaks I know He is there and I feel Him with me. How lucky I am!
Loved ones, I hope this finds you well!

Smiles,
DB

3 Generations - Happy Birthday Granny!

2008-12-04T12:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my Granny's 90Th birthday and it has hit me pretty hard. See two years ago she left to be with the Lord on her 88Th birthday. Though my family tried to get out there before she passed we where not able to make it. Even today two years later though I never got to see her very much with her in Texas I still miss her stubborn comments and her very thick southern drawl. She always knew what to say to make me feel better or to get me all flustered. Everyone who came in contact with her loved her. Though hard headed everyone adored her.

To my Granny - this was the last picture I got with her and I am so fortunate I did. This was taken at my rehearsal dinner for my wedding. I love you and I can't wait to party with you. The good days are still ahead Granny!

3 Years and Counting

2008-12-04T12:45:00.000-08:00

Ryan and I celebrated our 3 year anniversary on November 12th. I can't believe 3 whole years have come and gone so quickly. Ryan took me to dinner to one of my favorite places Beni Hana we had a blast like always. I can't wait to see what the years to come have in store for me as well. How lucky am I....

I so love this MAN!

I Went Short

2008-11-19T15:14:00.000-08:00

I cut it all OFF!

After having multiple migraines ladies and gentlemen I finally cut it all off in the desperate attempt to get rid of them or make them less frequent. Cutting it broke my heart but it needed desperately to be done. Though I miss the ease of styling long hair I like this style (thus far :-) ). So, ladies and gentlemen, what do you think? My hubbs loves it and I hope you do too!

Smiles,
DB

Belize Mission 10/25 to 11/1 2008

2008-11-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

Family and Friends,
I cannot even begin to tell you the pure joy I was able to experience on this trip. God showed up in big and small ways and this was just remarkable journey. I hope I can relay just a bit of what happen for me while I get to serve our Lord!

My goodbye at the airport was a hard one. For I was leaving my husband for 7 days and joining a new family, though I only knew a few this was to soon change. God opened doors and tore down walls and great relationships where built due to it. How blessed we truly are!

After a long flight from Phoenix to Houston change planes then arrival into Belize we were ready for a break. Landing in Belize was a so beautiful. I have never seen something like this. I used the phrase this is just a touch of God's finger painting because it was so simple and beautiful that words really do not do it right justice. When arriving to the airport in Belize we simply stepped into a different world. The weather, culture, people I was surrounded by events that I had never been around before. My eyes where wide open and I could not absorb everything fast enough. Marty and Mary warned us during the mission training that you will have a euphoria feeling but I had no idea that is would be this overwhelming. I was so blessed to be able to be on this trip. I just could not wait for this trip to start.

Once we got located by Vera she had our luggage loaded into the truck and the rest of the team got split up into two vehicles. Some with Vera in the van and some went with John in the SUV. We had to make it to the Water Taxi. John took us on a short sightseeing drive of Belize City and there I started to see the real Belize. Belize City is the largest city in this small country. Full of different races, nationalities languages it was so cool; it was a true eye opener. The ride to the Taxi dock was interesting. Upon my arrival to the taxi dock I had already found myself with a lack of words for what I was experiencing. I could not believe that a boat was the only way to the Mission at Turtle shores. This is due to the heavy rains and flooding that Belize had got prior to us coming and due to this the highway was closed. This boat ride was approximately 45 min long and I loved every bit of it. I even got a bit cold and had to pull out a blanket I had brought.

When arriving at Turtle Shores dusk had already landed on us and evening was approaching quickly. I could not believe that I was on a beach on the Caribbean Sea. I quickly found out what Sand Fleas are and realized how they like me and I did not like them. I quickly pulled out the Skin So Soft and dosed myself really well. That helped and became a daily routine for this mission. Your bug spray quickly became everyone’s’ best friend..

While we finished unloading the boat of luggage and supplies that Vera had picked up we were able to get settled into our cabins. They were much nicer than I expected and was very pleased. Our room was called Jaguar Den, there were two queen size beds with yes mosquito nets on them. This too was your best friend and a first line of protection for creepy crawlers. You learned your routine of getting in and out of bed really quick. Keep the nets constantly tucked into your bed to keep out the insects and bugs. The light that was used was a Kerosene lantern. Just like in little house in the prairie a very surreal feeling. There were 4 of us in this room. It was a great time! It was Dana, Me Kris and Janelle.

After unloading and getting situated in our rooms we had a quick informational meeting to give us details of the ins and outs of the mission. I quickly found out there are far more frightening things for me to worry about rather then mosquitoes and creepy crawlies. YUCK! I found out about Pumas, Jaguars, Boa Constrictors, Crabs, huge poisonous frogs, Lizards, Crocodiles Yes I said it Crocodiles, large beetles and rodents. I could go on and on... So, after hearing about the bugs, animals that could potentially eat a small human like me for a snack I was freaked out. Though I was warned about the cold showers I had never experienced one like this before. I was instructed on how to take a military shower. I was so blown me away, since the main water source for sinks and showers comes from rain the mission is very conservative and limited to the water they use. Which means, each person only gets 1 2min showers a day? Yup, you read that right. ! Two min shower a day, 1 minute to get wet and soap up and 1 minute to rinse off. I have to say with as cold as this water is you are glad you take a fast shower. I learned quickly why the guys bathed in the Caribbean rather than the shower. I tried this and found it more pleasant as well. Though I eventually got used to the cold showers and lived with it. It was very refreshing I was say the least!

So, the first night was here and I am already blown away of what I been told. I truly did not think that on this first night that I was ever going to be able to go to bed. Saturday night was the only night of the week I had to get a shot for one of my migraines. I think the traveling/ flying and the stress of new temperature paid its toll on me. I was able to sleep just fine after getting my shots I went straight to bed. This first night was a warm one. We all had been told to bring a good sized battery powered fans and be thankful you did. You needed it and used it often. I was able to manage to sleep on top of my covers. Though there were a few nights it got quite chilly and you covered up it was not that often. It was a nice change. They said the weather was much cooler than usual. I think God was just blessing us by showing His grace to us.

The rest of the week went by so quickly. After finding out that you had a 2 mile walk to the boat to get to the village on the peninsula you realized this was going to be a wet walk too. Since they had received so much rain it had flooded the swamps and local ponds which ran over into the road. Normally this would not be a problem except of course I had managed to slice the back of my heal open when caring plywood from the boat. Goodness, well let's just say they where worried about staph infection with the dirty water so after making that long walk in the water to get to the boat to get to the village at the end of every night Sue the nurse got my heal scrubbed till I wanted to cry. Thankfully Sue was amazing and very patient. It has healed nicely you can’t even tell I had a cut now. .

The time in the village was amazing. I got to know the woman we did two service projects with them, they taught us how to basket weave which they are amazing at and we brought fabric and pillows for them to have for their homes. It was a great experience. I know we all really enjoyed it. I was fortunate enough to work with Sue the nurse in the clinic doing health care when not with the woman of the village. We had several villagers come in to see us. I was able to get vitals and check blood sugar, temperature, weight etc… While Sue did the nurse stuff, Listened to lungs prescribed medication as needed. It worked out so well. Sue, Charla and I were able to pray over each patient. It was truly a great experience.

The week went by entirely too fast. Though I know I met so many of the ladies and gentlemen of the village I knew there were so many more I wanted to meet. I was in constant prayer for this village because you can see in some of them the darkness. Though it makes you sad it gives you hope that you know God can save them.. Lives where being changed every day in the village by us showing God’s true love..

The men got together every day and worked on a building a house for one of the families in the village. They went out of town a bit and got logs for the house. Since all the house are put on stilts since the peninsula at its widest is barely 1/4 miles and at its smallest point it is about 40 feet wide So flooding is a problem. It is very cool to look to your right and see water then to your left and see another body of water. It really is a different experience.

God showed up in so many ways. He was changing people lives every day. Though I had not had any huge God moments I knew my times was coming. God has always been one to work in me using small things that impact me the most. Example, my heal getting cut open and having to walk and trust that it would not get infected making that 4 mile walk everyday to and from the village boat. He also taught me often to trust in others to fulfill my needs. Though I heavily try to rely on myself I was given the opportunity to trust in others in supplying what I need, example; when my battery for my camera died two days before going home I was panicked. It broke my heart; I just could not believe it. I was able to get pictures from friends of the ruins and I was so thrilled and blessed to have them.. I was bummed because at this point I missed Ryan so much how desperately I wish he could have been with me. He would have truly loved it. It was a great time!

The ladies and children of Gales Point blew me away. There hospitability and their willingness to except new people in and talk to us was unbelievable, they showed true love. Plus I was able to learn a bit of their Creole language (AKA Pigeon English) which I have to say is very interesting. I can say this one true thing that God really shined through us and our team. I have never worked on a team that worked so well together. We all just clicked, it was so astounding. It really blew me away and those that were at the mission. Vera de Klerk always said I have never seen a team work together the way we did. I really think that comes from great leadership (Marty and Mary McIntyre) and just being a Christ Centered group. It was a great time.

Our last two days in Belize was spent in Belize City at the nice Best Western, which we all were looking forward t having a soft bed and a very hot shower plus two days to relax. Getting there was the fun part. Since we were told the northwestern highway was open Vera got us a bus and we headed into town. We found out real quick there was flooding. Now, in the US if there is any flooding on the road they usually close it down ASAP. This is not the case here. There we were all 20 of us on a short old yellow school bus waiting to cross over so we can get into Belize City. The nearby Belize River had over flown so badly that on the sides of the road the water was nearly three feet deep and locals where spear fishing for Tilapia due to the local fish farm had lost some of their fish due to the flooding it was such a site to see. We at one point where told that we would have to get off the bus and make the hike through the water to the other side where another bus would pick us up. Thanks goodness that was not the case. It did make a normally two in a half hour trip to the hotel a 4 hour long ride. We all enjoyed it and had a great time.

Once we arrived at the Hotel we shortly found out that our mission for the day was not going to happen. We were going to work in a local orphanage but was not able too due to a death. It was very sad. So, we were given the opportunity to relax and stay at the hotel. Kris and I (my roommate) had decided to go for a swim. We cleaned up threw on our suits and off we went to the pool. The water was very chlorinated and very cold. It was nice and enjoyable. Travis and Scott shortly came down and joined us then Kori came down and sat on the side of the pool and we all just talked and relaxed. Good times.

After that I think I took the longest hot-hot shower I could tolerate. I mean it must have been at least an hour long shower. I got that water as hot as I could. After not having a real shower in 6 days it was so nice. We went to dinner at the local casino called the Princess. All us girls finally did our hair and makeup and got dressed up the best we could with what we brought and headed up to the buffet. I have to say that Belizean food is spectacular. I did not have one thing; wait besides the chicken feet that was not amazing. They really take pride in their cooking and it really did show. It was just delicious all week long!

That night came and went and we got back to the hotel and got ready for the early busy day ahead of us. The day trip to the Lamanai Mayan Ruins in Northern Belize, I was so heartbroken that I did not have my camera but I knew God was teaching me to just trust others, so that is exactly what I did. We got up that morning and got on the bus with our driver and tour guide Stanley who was such a all around great guy. So nice! We then went on the three hour bus ride to northern part of Belize to the dock that would take us down the New River and to the Lamanai Ruins. The boat ride there was so amazing. We saw all kinds of birds and animals it really blew me away. It was so beautiful. What broke my heart was to see all the flooding. There was so much of it. The rivers had been so overfilled with water coming from both Honduras and Guatemala that poor Belize could not dump it out into the sea fast enough. Houses under water part of the Mennonite farms which are large producers of food for the country had been flooded and lost land and crops due to it. The New River alone was over ten feet flooded. Think about how much that is 10 feet. That is as tall as my ceiling in my house. WOW! It was about an hour boat ride there and we pulled up to a make shift dock since the real one was three feet under water. Go figure.... We got off and I just could not believe it. I was over 30 miles into the Belizean rainforest. I was so in awe of the beauty the colors the smells the noises it was so amazing. Our tour guide for the Ruins was Hector and he was great. He shared so much information the amount of knowledge and the details of the Mayan culture, WOW! We walked through all the ruins and then we go to this huge temple. I immediately wanted to climb it and that I did, Oh my goodness was it so worth it. Though I am bummed I did not get a picture of the view I don’t know how to explain it to you but when you get to the top of the largest temple you can see the rainforest and rivers for hundreds and hundreds of miles as far as the eye can see. It was astounding. My heart melted for the Lord because this was His creation. The climb down was more fun than going up. You realized real quick that parts of the temple where hollow and you could hear the echo sound on the steps; once again very cool experience. On our way back to the man base we got introduced to some lovely howler monkeys. Though difficult to see you can definitely hear them. It was once again a very cool moment that I got to be a part of. That did not last long for I realized quickly that me and army ants do not get along and how they definitely do not like to be messed with. Not that I was trying to do it on purpose. . I learned quickly that getting bit by one is very unpleasant. I don't recommend this. With me being allergic to ants it was frightening for me. I was given Benadryl right away. I also learned that you can't kill and army ant or the whole army will come and attack. I was instructed to flick it off rather than my normal pinch you must die for hurting me method. He should have died if it was up to me. That little booger hurt.

So, got done eating another homemade Belizean meal of Red Beans and Rice and stewed Chicken. It was truly so wonderful. After that lunch we were able to do some shopping in the small huts prior to leaving for the day. We eventually got rushed out and back to the boat due to the rain coming in. Our boat did not have a canopy on it so they wanted us to hurry and get back before it really started to poor. We rushed on the boat hector and Stanley gave each of us a yellow rain jacket and off we went. I have to say the feel of water hitting your face in a speeding boat is like glass hitting your skin. I was lucky enough that I brought a bandanna and tied it around my head and face for protection. My problem was solved. The water on the river was like glass a perfect reflection. It was so amazing (once again sorry) it was hard to tell the difference between land and water cause the reflection was perfect, this blew me away. The rain did not last long and then we arrived back to our bus. On our way home we ran into more flooding and how interesting that was. I had never seen so much water on a road and we were driving through it. HOLY COW! The water was all the way up to the wheel wells of the bus. That is like 3 feet of water. Stanley did an amazing job handling that bus. I felt very safe with him being our driver. I can know that Vera would only put us in the best hands!

So, that was the end of our last day. When we got back to the hotel we cleaned up finished packing went to dinner at Old Belize and then back to the hotel to get rest prior to having to get up and leave for the airport. This was a hard goodbye. I had really got close to the team and to Vera, Carole and Mandy. I was so sad. MY heart for missions and for serving had just got bigger by being on this trip. I wanted to stay so badly but new that God would use me in the states till he called my husband with the same feeling. Getting to the airport was fun we made it in two trips since all of us could not fit in the van with our luggage. Once we all got to the airport go loaded and said our goodbyes tears where shared. As i got on the airplane to head home I knew this was not going to be my last time in Belize, that I would be able to return again and next time with my husband.

God is so powerful. This trip was used exactly to His will. I saw lives changed in the village and on our team. I saw God change hearts, encourage those that needed it and remove fears and place comfort. The hand of God was felt and very much needed. Seeing God work is amazing anytime but seeing him work in so many was in the mission field just brings tears to my eyes. I was so thankful to be a part of this experience. I can't wait for next year. I am already looking forward to it.

After changing planes in Houston and getting back to Phoenix the arrival to the airport was a happy occasion, on our way to get our luggage we were met by our loved ones. Some of us where met with hugs and kisses and others where met with flowers and banners saying welcome home mommy we missed you! My wonderful Ryan had met me there and there he was with two dozen of the most beautiful roses you ever laid your eyes on. . I missed him so and I could not tell him that enough. I just can't wait till next year and we can serve together. I am really looking forward to it! It was a happy reunion but sad for my heart yearned for Belize.

So goodbye Belize 2008 and welcome Belize 2009 I am already on that schedule and I just can’t wait! Ryan and I will be there unless I am pregnant count me in! I am looking forward to it.

I'm Home

2008-11-04T14:16:00.001-08:00

Friends and Family
I am back from Belize. Pictures and details are to come I promise. I had a blast and GOD showed up EVERYWHERE! Loved it!!!!!

Less Then 12 Hours

2008-10-24T19:41:00.000-07:00

Friends and Family,
In less then 12 hours I will be on an airplane heading to a once in a lifetime experience. I am going on my first mission trip to Belize. I am super excited and nervous for what lies ahead. I ask for prayer while I am gone for strength and courage to boldly share the word of God. I pray that God's love will shine like a beacon and that I can share the glory of God in a very dark place.

Thank you for your support. Though I still need some I trust in the Lord to supply! Thank you to all who have helped for this dream to come true. Please keep an eye out for a blog and pictures upon my return.

Thank you again - I love you all!

Smiles,
DB

Prop 102 - Yes For Marriage

2008-09-28T20:06:00.001-07:00

Simple. Clear.
Arizonans Have The Opportunity To Say YES For Marriage

Marriage between one man and one woman. Can it get any simpler than that? Prop 102 simply secures the definition of marriage through an Arizona constitutional amendment

Prop 102 is 20 simple and clear words that define marriage as the union of one man and one woman.

A YES vote on Prop 102 does one thing and one thing only – defines marriage as the union of one man and one woman in the Arizona Constitution, the highest law in our state.

One man. One Woman. Prop 102. That's Marriage.

Two New Recipes!

2008-09-22T19:53:00.000-07:00

My Own Creation!

Today after I got home I was tired and frustrated. I have to say that most people I know when feeling this way will retreat to fast food and laying on the couch. I actually enjoy cooking to help myself relax from whatever kind of hectic day I might have faced. It gives me great joy to cook for my husband because I know he loves it. So, for dinner I made the menu of Pork Spare Ribs with Bar-B-Que Sauce, Sweet Potato Fries, Salad and a very good Pineapple Mixed Berry Cobbler.

I want to share my two new recipes that I made this evening which are the fries and cobbler. I hope my friends and family enjoy them as much as Ryan and I did. So, here I go!

Sweet Potato Fries
3 Servings

Ingredients:
2 large sweet potatoes
2 Tbsp of Canola Oil (Not Olive oil)
1 Tbsp of Pumpkin Pie Seasoning
1 1/2 Tsp Chili Powder (use discretion)
Salt and Pepper

Directions:
Pre-Heat oven to 400 degrees. On a large cookie sheet lay out foil evenly.
Peel the sweet potatoes and cut into 1/2 inch slices. In a large bowl combine sweet potatoes, oil, pumpkin pie seasoning and chili powder. Mix well using hands, making sure they are completely coated with all ingredients. Take strips and lay out flat on foiled cookie sheet, then sprinkle lightly with salt and pepper then turn over and repeat. Place on middle rack for 15 minutes, Take out of oven turn them, then place back into oven for another 17 minutes. Fries should be slightly crispy and golden brown. Remove promptly and serve hot! YUM!

So for my Pork Spare Ribs, well ladies and gentlemen I would love to take credit for them but I can't. This was a pre-made meal from Costco, sorry. I have to say though that Harri's ribs where very good, I definitely recommend them. It serves only three for the money which I would not do often but every once in awhile it was well worth it.

On with the recipe for the Pineapple Berry Cobbler. This was my own creation. After searching for one on the Internet and finding ones that seemed far too difficult I thought I would test my skills as a baker. Now normally those who know me know that I fail horribly in this category. Though with this nice little sweet I did rather well and must say I am very proud of my self.

Pineapple Mixed Berry Cobbler
Serves ??? I always have left overs (LOL)

Ingredients:
1 Box Yellow Cake Mix
20oz Crushed Pineapple
2 1/2 cups Frozen mixed berries
1 stick of butter
2 tbsp of Brown Sugar

Directions:
Preheat Oven 350, in a 9x13 pan dump pineapple with juice, spread evenly on bottom of pain. Then dump evenly the mixed berries. Pour evenly the yellow cake mix covering the top completely some fruit still should show but not much. Then sprinkle lightly the brown sugar over the cake mix. Slowly pour 1 stick of melted butter over entire mixture. Pour evenly, keeping mostly to the middle of the mixture. Place in oven and let cook for 40 min. Watch carefully! When top is Golden Brown and no longer soft remove promptly from oven and let stand 5 min. Serve warm with vanilla ice cream.

All I can say is that Ryan loved this. He seriously almost at the whole pan! I hope you love it as much as he did. Let me know what you think of this recipe.

Smiles, DB

Swing Batta Batta Swing - Sept 20, 2008

2008-09-18T16:55:00.000-07:00

Batting Practice:

When:
9/20/2008 @ 10:45 am - 12pm

Where:
Fiddlesticks - Tempe, AZ @

1155 W. Elliot Rd
Tempe, AZ 85284
480-961-0800
What:
Bring bat and glove (if you have one)
How Much:
It is $1.50 for 20 balls or $17.50 for an hour. You can make the call. Plus drinks and etc
Details:

If you want we can hang out afterwards and throw the ball around. I am always up for some defense practice. Bring your friends. The more the merrier. Also, if you need a ride just give me a call and let me know. I can pick up gals.....

Another View Of Gales Point Belize

2008-09-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

This is an aerial view of Gales Point Belize. To your left is the Caribbean and the peninsula is in what is called the lagoon. Please continue to keep me in your prayers as I continue to try to raise support.. Thanks – Dena

Pulse Blog

2008-09-15T14:13:00.001-07:00

Check out the New Pulse Blog....

http://pulse-cs.blogspot.com/

Love ya!

Gales Point, Belize Central America

2008-09-09T16:02:00.000-07:00

Here is the city that I will be visiting on my mission in October. I got news today that hurricane Ike missed them. Thank you Jesus. Please continue to keep me and Gales Point in your prayers. Thanks Everyone! God Bless!

Prayer Request

2008-08-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

Friends and Loved Ones!

Hey, God has put it on my heart to participate in the Belize Mission trip with the Cornerstone mission team in October. With this I will have to raise my own support for the cost and expenses for the trip. Friends just a simple prayer is all I am asking for this trip. That if Belize is God's will that the funds will roll in if not that He will make it clear and the door will close.

Thanks everyone - I hope you all know how much I love you!

Just had to Share

2008-08-22T14:50:00.000-07:00

My sister shared this with me and I wanted to do the same. FYI - Andrew is not quite 5 yet. Enjoy!

Yesterday morning Stephen needed to get out of the house and decided
that he and Andrew would go to Starbucks and have a drink and read.
Andrew was perfect, he got his drink (an oj) and a donut and sat and read his Star Wars book for almost and hour while Steve read his
book. Yesterday afternoon as Andrew was retelling the story to me it
went something like this... " I went to Starbucks with daddy and he got me an orange juice and I put the pink and blue sugars in it. " I asked, "Pink and blue sugars? Why?" Steve chimed in, "It was an ALL NATURAL juice (and tasted blah) so he added sweet - n - low and equal" Andrew quickly responded, "ALL NATURAL? ALL YUCKY!" I immediately started laughing.

News Flash - I am Sensitive

2008-08-14T09:07:00.000-07:00

In the course of my life I have learned that I have several personality traits. They range from being over the top ADHD borderline OCD to being talkative and excitable, I get it I, I am Dena I am the standard Taurus. I am a bull all the way around. I am a very loyal friend and I am very structured and passionate about that I care about. I am stubborn and hard headed. I get it; more then people understand I get it. With all this though is another feeling and personality trait that often gets pushed to the side and not recognized.. This is me coming out of my shell and finally saying how I feel. So, here I go this is scary for me so hang in there and be patient with me.

So, this personality trait that I rarely recognize and often that gets pushed aside is me being sensitive. Well, News Flash – I am sensitive. More then anyone really knows. I have been pushing it aside and pushing it aside and I am not doing this anymore. I will no longer allow people to say that I am not sensitive because I am. More then I can really explain. I get hurt easier then people think and for as long as I can remember I have blown if off and not shown it because people have said that I am hyper loud Dena. Dena is always happy and outgoing she can’t be sensitive. I will say, you are simply wrong.

While I was speaking to a good friend of mine on the phone this week something about me had come to light. I had realized that 1st I need to show my sensitivity and 2^ndI tend to care way to much about what other people think and say. Finally, 3^rd I seem to always put my feelings on the side so that I do not come across dramatic.

See, over the course of my life with being hyper and excitable and the very occasional unwanted drama that I have had to endure in my life, I have more then heard my share of sly comments in regards to my life. Little did they know there are several moments that I can’t stand my life and I would rather have the simplest life and no attention then it be dramatic. Believe it or not I actually do not like the attention. I am not saying I do not want my friends to care, I am saying I do not want people to assume because I have this drama filled life that I want the attention and that I am not sensitive to what people say.

I know my friends and family have always made comments that I like the attention and I like my drama filled life. Well, once again News Flash – No I don’t! So, recently I have made it a point not to talk about my feelings or what is going on in my life on a personal level. There have been moments that I have asked for prayer request but this is not for attention. This is for a genuine need of prayer.

I realized that I couldn’t live like this. I need my friends and family to understand how I feel. I need them to understand that though my life is dramatic, this is not how I wanted it. God has chosen this life and these circumstances for me. I can say I am grateful for what I have been through, good or bad but with that I would not be who I am if it was not for these moments.

So, from now on and going forward I would like to be able to tell people how I feel and what is going on in my life with out hearing – OH there is Dena with more drama with another problem. Cause, I do not choose what I go through. I have been chosen.

To those that have been by my side and encouraged me to speak how I feel and step out of my comfort zone you know who you are and I could never say thank you enough. I love my friends and family. I am no longer able to burrow feelings and events in my life anymore with the fear of what someone else is going to say. So, I am moving on, I am stepping up. I am evolving my feelings so to speak. There is only one person that gets credit for this and I could never repay her. She knows who she is and she knows that I love her and would do anything for her. I will simply end with a sincere Thank you for my friend Autumn for opening my eyes and my heart! I will be open and I will share my heart because there are people that care and want to know how I am sincerely doing.

Options

2008-08-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

I do not know where to start so I will just say it. Last week Ryan got the news that he and I will not be able to have kids naturally. Of course, with this news comes deep pain and sorrow. Growing up as a girl you always have the dream of getting pregnant and having a family of your own. With this I am sure Ryan always had his own dreams as well. With our dream on the line Ryan and I have carefully prayed and decided that this is God’s will and we can move on. That He will not give us anything we can’t handle.

Ryan and I have decided we have two options. Option one being of course to look into in-vitro fertilization. Though the cost is high, the benefits are wonderful and successful. I will be able to experience what I have always dreamed of, caring a child that is Ryan’s and mine. For me this is a true dream come true, for this will be the only time in my life I will be able help God perform a miracle, in which that is creating a child. Scripture says that God spoke the things of this world but hand knitted us. How amazing is that? Ryan and I have complete faith and trust in God to take us through this time in our life. God has been with us through everything we have gone through thus far and he will continue to be with us. Our faith in our Lord is strong. Even if the Lord’s will for us is for to have or not to have children we will honor Him either way.

Our 2^nd option though comes across scary and not very successful it is adoption. This not as well liked to Ryan and I but is still being considered. For all things happen for a reason. We know that with careful prayer and consideration adoption can be very pleasant and successful. I have already made the attempts to start to get information. Only God can guide us through this time in our lives.

Though Ryan and I would love to come home with a newborn child we know that may not be God’s will. We are trying hard to keep an open mind and positive outlook. Though difficult we are blessed with great attitudes and optimism! This is especially true with Ryan. He has lifted me up and really comforted me during this difficult time. Though it has only merely been a few days I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband. He wants as a family as much as I do and has a common goal with me to have a family that honors God. I could not be more blessed or lucky.

With our new journey ahead of us, easy or tuff as it may be we take it with one stride at a time. We ask for our friends and family for their prayers and support. For the months or even years that are ahead of us are never going to be easy. Please be with us, if you have any information of anyone that is looking to adopt his or her child please, by all means feel free to contact us. We are open minded to anything that God’s puts in front of us, though careful we are open minded. Ryan and I could not be more blessed then to have the friends and family that we have. Thank you all, we truly love you!

Night of Excitment - Priceless!!

2008-08-09T11:16:00.000-07:00

August 8, 2008 7:30 p.m.

I had the extreme honor of taking my niece Maggie and my sister Sharon to the Jordin Sparks - Jesse McCartney concert at jobing.com arena. This was a very special occasion due to it was my birthday gift to Maggie for her 8th birthday.

Sharon and I where very excited about the opportunity to be with Maggie and watch her as she experienced her first live concert. Maggie is a huge Jordin fan and with Jesse's new album Departure out she has come to be a fan of his as well.

The whole night was amazing. It was very much an ahhh moment to watch her take it all in. I was disappointed with myself that I followed the rules and did not take a camera in. Though there where many others that didn't follow the rules, and I am now guilt stricken for not capturing the moment. Though you can go to youtube and the see the night of excitement!

Maggie never said much or got out of her chair during the concert. She sat between her mom (Sharon) and I wide eyed watching. I would occasionally look over and just see the glimpse of a smile peeking from her cute mouth. She was careful not to get to excited for she is very cautious with her feelings. I could tell though she was having the time of her life. Though she was not showing all that excitement now I know n the days and weeks to come if not the rest of her life this will be a night that will be remembered and talked about.

When you get a gift, you really never want anything in return, I was so fortunate to get paid back with a memory that I will never forget. Though I do not have pictures to capture this moment my memory of my 8 year old niece looking up at me with a cute smile while singing Leavin by Jesse McCartney or One Step at Time by Jordin Sparks will never leave my mind and will always hold a special place in my heart.

I love my sister and Maggie dearly and I would never want to exchange this moment. I was blessed last night with an experience that words really can't describe. I can simply say that we had a blast.

The concert was over little past eleven, with an amazing encore and the walk to car it was already half past the hour. On the long drive home Sharon and I talked about the concerts that we had been too in the past. We discussed the good the bad and the ugly; who we liked and who we didn't. During this Maggie had fallen asleep in the backseat she had crashed and was out like a light! I got dropped off shortly before midnight tired and thrilled. I just couldn't believe this moment was already over. I had been looking forward to it for so long! This long awaited evening had flown by way to quickly. One word can express what this night meant to me - Priceless.

Maggie if you ever read this - I love you with all my heart and it was pure joy to spend this evening with you. There is no other place in the world I would have rather of been, other then sitting and singing by you at this concert.

Make. It. Stop. - I just had to share!

2008-08-01T16:37:00.000-07:00

The case for ending our long national nightmare.

By Steve Tuttle | Newsweek Web Exclusive

Aug 1, 2008 | Updated: 12:42 p.m. ET Aug 1, 2008

I like to play a game with my son, Joseph. We sit on a bench in touristy Old Town, Alexandria, Va., and we're not allowed to get up until we see a dozen pairs of Crocs. It usually doesn't take long. But the other day we were stuck at eight after a few minutes, and I was getting a little concerned. Just then my boy leaned over and said, "Don't worry, Dad. A family of dorks will come along any minute." To paraphrase Hank Hill, if he wasn't my son, I would have hugged him right then, I was so proud.

I know what you're thinking: what kind of sick father lets his impressionable young son call people dorks because of the shoes they wear? Well, who else will teach him that wearing sweaty bright purple clown shoes in public is not OK? He certainly won't learn that lesson at school. Teachers seem to be some of the biggest abusers of this horrid fad.\

I know what else you're thinking: "I like Crocs … they're so comfortable. I'll tell you who the dork is … the guy writing this story, that's who! And who died and made him the fashion authority anyway?" Well, no one. I own pitted-out T shirts that are more than a quarter of a century old, and I've been known to strut around town in some pleated khaki Dockers. I own one belt. A female colleague even told me once I'd be a "perfect candidate for 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'." I think she was trying to be helpful. My complete lack of fashion sense actually supports my theory, because even I know these things are an abomination.

Yes, I'm really, really late to the Crocs-bashing party. Really late. Plenty of fashionistas have written screeds over the years. But the damn things are still here, so this is no time to stop fighting. To quote the great John Belushi: "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!"

I've been following the good work of Web sites like I Hate Crocs Dot Com for some time, even going so far as to submit a photograph of a stuffed skunk spraying a pair of pink Crocs. The fantastic Best Page In The Universe posted a hilarious rant a while back joking that people who bought Crocs on Amazon.com also bought frozen corn dogs, Pabst Blue Ribbon Light and trucker balls, as well as the CD single "Hey There, Delilah" by the Plain White T's. The rant's author, Maddox, writes: "People who wear Crocs go on and on about how comfortable they are, and how it's supposedly odor resistant because it's made out of some kind of anti-bacterial foam … You know what else it's resistant to? You getting laid."

A popular YouTube video called "Dorcs" parodies the trend: "Wow, but they're so ugly," says an office worker to her friend. "That's how you know they're comfortable," he says. By the end, she's a convert: "I've given fashion the finger, and joined the Dorcs revolution!" The Crocs Empire is acutely aware of us haters. Even their own commercials make fun of the irrational and over-the-top rage their shoes instill in people like me. In one, an unshaven lunatic holds a neon blue Croc in front of his face and screams, "Why are you wearing these!" for 30 seconds. I only wish I'd known about the tryouts for this commercial.

Crocs's stock price has cratered of late, so there is hope. According to the Rocky Mountain News, the shoes, "which were once so popular that the company couldn't keep pace with demand, are now piling up in warehouses." Maybe the company's just a victim of its own success. If practically every person in the U.S. already has a pair and they're indestructible, how many more can you sell? The same thing happened to Wham-O back in the 1950s with the Hula Hoop.

But the company isn't giving up. They've been diversifying, sponsoring Olympic teams and veering off into sandals and other designs, trying to fool us. They've even gone so far as to create a high-heeled Croc. OMG, as the kids say. These have to be seen to be believed. I recommend only the strong of heart should attempt to Google "high-heeled Croc." The company Web site has this ominous warning for us: "Today, are available all over the world and on the internet as we continue to significantly expand all aspects of our business" (italics added). That sounds like a threat to me. They're even suing other companies like Skechers for allegedly stealing their great idea. Skechers says the lawsuit is "baseless," "outlandish," and "ridiculous." I'll tell you what's outlandish and ridiculous: that these things sell so much that another company would feel compelled to copy them, allegedly. Don't we have enough eye pollution with just the originals still out there? Don't be fooled, America! Soylent Green is CROCS!!

If you think about it, the Crocs company should really be admired. P. T. Barnum would be proud. They've managed to separate money from the wallets of millions and millions of seemingly sane people who wake up, look in the closet, and actually decide: "Today I'll leave the house wearing these neon-green Dutch bubble shoes with Swiss-cheese holes in them. Maybe I'll even buy some little plastic strawberries or bananas and jam them in the sweat holes, just to jazz things up and make the bacteria incubate faster." That's fine. I say do whatever you want in the privacy of your own home. Let your Crocs freak flag fly. But don't make the rest of us watch.

I realize this article might not go down too well even in my own editorial office and certainly not in our ad sales department. My boss in Washington read an early draft and said it was funny, but that I had a "somewhat demented obsessiveness." At least he threw me a "somewhat." Another editor wondered aloud if I had perhaps been trampled by Crocs at some point in my life. I also worry about writing this because some of my best friends—and their sweet, innocent children—wear them. One of my dearest—the sister I never had—introduced me to the shoes years ago when she waltzed into a garden party in a pair of bright hot-pink Crocs. I couldn't stop staring at them. "What are those things?!" I whimpered nervously, hoping maybe she was rehabbing from some sort of strange Achilles mishap. "Oh, they're called Crocs … I got them for gardening," she said, so innocently.

Oh, if only we'd known what a tsunami of fashion idiocy was about to be unleashed, maybe we could have stopped it somehow, and they would have stayed in the garden where they belong, covered with manure, a trendy item to be featured on www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. If only. Then they wouldn't be out there in the American mainstream, that big, vast, sweaty mainstream traipsing through our airports and over our beaches and around our great shopping malls. Plop, plop, plop, they go, stuffing their Crocs faces with ice cream and Doritos and giant sodas. Plop, plop, plop. Stuff, stuff, stuff. Yuck, yuck, yuck. And the rest of us have to watch. I spent eight hours waiting on a flight at Dulles over the 4th of July week and I was just minutes from tackling the next group of Crocs ploppers I saw. Luckily for me—and the ploppers—my flight finally arrived and I wasn't arrested for assault. Knowing my luck, I'd have shown up in court to find 12 pairs of Crocs sitting in the jury box.

It would have probably been better for my career if I just posted this as an anonymous Craigslist rant as CrocsHatah35 or something. Plenty of others have spouted off about Crocs there. And sure, I would have had a lot more readers. But Craigslist doesn't write my paychecks, and this is just too important to ignore another day. Some times you just have to make a stand, even if it's a few years late. Do we really think we're going to stop global warming if we can't even end this fashion Chernobyl once and for all? I think the U.S. government should institute a Crocs buyback policy, like they do in the inner city for guns. It would do more to beautify this great land than Lady Bird's highway beautification program ever did.

“Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.”

2008-07-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

Prayer Request

2008-07-16T08:28:00.000-07:00

I have a prayer request. Today (7/16/08) at 6pm my husband is having an interview for a substantial promotion. This will increase his salary, allow for more travel and better benefits (which we need desperately). If God willing this would be a huge blessing to our home. There is only one other candidate that is interviewing for this position as well, so the odds are favorable. My husband was given a cheat sheet of the questions that would be asked and has been working diligently on them so he can ace this interview.

Friends and family I ask that you Please pray that if this is God's will he can get this promotion and that the interview will go smoothly. Thank you so much for your prayers and support, I hope you have a wonderful day.

Unmistakably The Best

2008-07-08T18:49:00.000-07:00

OK - I have yet again been bedazzled by superb customer service! Today at the last minute Ryan and I decided to order flowers for our sister in law in San Diego. Well, I called ProFlowers panicked. Not only did they send what I wanted when I wanted it, but they also discounted my purchase and threw in a vase for free. I can only say that my experience with them only gets better. I highly suggest them, plus they have this remarkable reminder system that will e-mail you when it comes time to send flowers to someone. How great is THAT? So, if you want to send flowers to your sweety use ProFlowers. If you call them and tell them you have a corporate discount tell them it is 15% and they will automatically take it off and not even ask for the code. I can't tell you enough on how much THEY ROCK! I hope you like them as much as I do! (and no I was not paid to write this. LOL)

Dazzling Day

2008-07-06T13:20:00.000-07:00

Just want to brag about what a wonderful husband I have. All day we had a blast hanging with the kids and spending time with the family. We Ended our 4th of July by going on the roof with the family and watching multiple sets of fireworks in each others arms. It was a perfect evening. I adore this man. How lucky am I.......

Vote 2008 - Could it Be?

2008-07-01T09:46:00.001-07:00

All Smiles

2008-06-30T13:31:00.000-07:00

So, I am all smiles. Want to know why? I have the wonderful joy of sharing with you that my first treatment with my port went very well. Nothing abnormal happened very little to no pain occurred. I can say thus far I truly love this thing. What was even more miraculous was when I had to go back the ER for my residual headache aftermath they nicely and conveniently used my port as well. Though the reasons I was in the ER were not great, the medical attention I got @ Gilbert Mercy was phenomenal. So, here I am all smiles for myself and for anyone who is thinking of getting a port. I totally love mine!

Portacath

2008-06-22T19:32:00.001-07:00

So, for the last few months I have been doing infinites amount of research on different ways for me to get my IVIG treatments. It was not till my last treatment last month that I got fed up with the IV method. Just to give you an idea it took 6 different IV attempts before getting a vein that could withstand the treatment. I was fed up with needle pokes and bruising and sore arms and hands. So, I went ahead and called my doctor. After careful research and discussions with my doctor I figured out that a portacath would be the best fit for me. The one that was put in is to the left it is a Bard single port portacath and is roughly the size of a quarter. Though it looks abrasive this is actually the least abrasive method of central lines.

After my last treatment I made the arrangements with my doctor to get the port. I wanted it in and healed before my next treatment and healed enough so I could go to summer camp.

So, on June 9th at 10:30 am I went to John C. Lincoln Deer Valley (yes very far). I got setup for surgery. I have to say this is not the most pleasant experience I have had thus far in my life. I got to my Pre-OP room and I managed to give myself a migraine due to stress. of the surgery They immediately medicated me to comfort me. I was very thankful. After getting ready and meeting both my surgeon and my anesthesiologist I was ready. I got my first does of anesthesia and then off to he OR room. The last thing I recall was having the air mask then waking up in what i thought was pretty sever pain. I can say that if you have to get this request a local at the site. So, when you come out of anesthesia you are not immediately in pain.

I woke up in OR recovery and instantly starting to cry due to pain. My husband Ryan was no where to be seen and I could not be more sick to my stomach. Eventually Ryan was by my side and I got some pain meds in me. After being able to sleep a few more hours I was released and went home.

The next week was a blur. I can say it was much more painful then I expected and researched. Honestly I think it was more pain for me due to I was not expecting it. My family stepped up and really helped me out. I was fortunate enough that Ryan stayed home from work for two days to help. Shortly after that he had to return to work and my niece Maggie who at 7 years old stepped up and was my nurse. She was nothing short of being amazing. She stayed with me for almost four days. She was there during the day helping while Ryan was at work and would stay the night and hang out playing Wii with Ryan as I crashed on the couch due to pain medication. I am so blessed she was there. I do no know what I would have done without her.

After one week of the portacath I still was very sore. I talked myself into still going to Summer camp and I am very thankful. By a week in a half my pain and tenderness was almost completely gone and by the end of the week the sterile strips had come off and I was finally able to take a full shower. I can not tell you how happy I was.

Here I am two weeks after the insertions of my portacath and I have to say I can not wait for my treatment on Thursday June 27. I can say honestly for the first time since I started to get them in Janurary of this year I am not nervous. I know it will only take one shot and it will be done. No more finding a vein and hoping it will last. That relieves so much stress for me.

As of today Sunday June 22 this is what my incision looks like and how blessed I am. There is nearly zero pain and tenderness. I have full movement of my right side. The only thing I still am weary of is caring items on my right side. They said it could be up to six weeks. I am not worried about that Ryan is good at carrying most items for me. Plus it gets me out of grocery shopping alone as well. Lucky me! I am very happy with how it has turned out. Once the incision is completely healed which it is very close, I will be able to put Med e rma on it to insure a very small scar. That was one of my fears for this being in plain site. I am happy with how it is turning out.

As for how I feel. Well, I am less then a week out from my treatment and it is very obvious, MG is paying it's toll on my right eye and I am far ready for the treatment. At about the end of the third week I slowly start to get the symptoms of MG creeping back. I have to use a lot of energy to keep my eye open so it does not stay completely shut. I have also shown a good example of what I look like when I am not trying to hold it open. Though it looks like just a lazy eye, please understand that this also effect my vision. I get loss of vision, double vision, and wandering eye. It gets annyoing really quick and exhausting.

So, I have shared my story. Some might ask if I regret getting the port. I say as of now no. I can give you a better answer on Friday after my treatment. I can say I am interested in seeing how this port is accessed by this new needle called a huber needle,though scary sounding I hear wonderful things about it.

Friends we love you! Ryan and I continue to ask for your prayers and support. Without your prayers and support I can say that we would never be able to handle what I have gone through and still go through. My strength comes solely from our Lord. With out having Christ in my life, I do not know if I could have handled the hardships this illness has caused us. Though I have not showed it outwardly, I can say inwardly it has definitely paid it's toll on both Ryan and I. Christ has been my security and strength when I did not think I would have it.

With the blessings of Christ and my wonderful husband Ryan I am able to endure what ever I am faced with. Like always, I can and never will live with out my Lord. So, till another day I am blessed for this one. For everyday is a perfect gift given from above.

Harvesting

2008-06-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

Rise of the Kinematics was the theme for camp this week. Kinematics? What a large word, or that was my thought. This was the theme for Hume this year. Kinematics describes the motions of objects without the considieration of the masses or the forces that bring about the motion. I was in for a week of learning and I was not sure at first if I really was open for that.
See when the week first started I woke up in serious pain. See on June 9th I had my portacath put in. Well, I had chosen to take a week off of work thinking it would be enough for me to recover and it was but I was not as close to being back to my normal self and I would have hoped. When i woke up early Sunday morning Ryan had to help me out of bed. That should say most of it, right? M y whole right side was still throbbing with pain and I was still on Vicodin every 4 hours. I was hopeful it would get better but was not sure when that would happen. Though I was hanging in there I got on the bus and made the trip to Hume San Diego. Taking my pills and being careful I lead my girls to a week of life changing opportunities.

As Sunday night came and went, it was not till Monday night that I realized what had happened. See Monday came and I did the normal schedule which consist of breakfast, morning chapel, recreation, lunch, free time, dinner and evening chapel. So here is the moment that hit me, Chuck Bomar was the speaker this week. He was nothing short of being remarkable. See the theme Rise of the Kinematics was to get kids to realize to not just do things like a robot or to just go through the motions but the idea was to live your actions with purpose cause that is what Christ will for you. See as of now I had been going to through the motions with the attitude woe me. See up till now I had not allowed myself think of others due to my pain. I had not allowed myself to create relationship others. I was not allowing God to use me. After chapel I went back to my dorm and lay in bed and this verse came to my mind.
Mathew 28:19-20 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in^[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

I prayed - God Help me. I can't do this without you. I then fell asleep wishing I could have changed the day somehow. The rest of the week drastically changed. I was able to focus Christ and what His purpose for me was this week. I was thrilled that I was able to get with my girls and be relational, really get to know them.

Everyday was getting better and I was feeling better, less pain and more joy. I was seeing God work everywhere in ever moment. Tuesday something amazing happened. As I was in my room preparing for bed I got a phone call from Eddie (Our Youth pastor) that one of my girls Celest wanted to talk to me. See, I am Celest's bible study leader. I have been with her since last year at Hume. Praying for her and coaching her through this crazy life. I walked down to the recreation room where she came up to me and spoke the sweetest words ever. She told me that she had asked Christ into her heart, I immediately teared up with joy. God, the amazing God had a new child and I was so thrilled. I have been praying constantly over the year that God would use me and those around me for His will that He would help me lead my girls to know Him as I have been blessed to know Him. Though I am not the one that harvested her relationship I was definitely one of them that helped care for her. Celest and I would now be able to party together in heaven. I was able to hang out with her the rest of the evening as she told people joyously of her decision for Christ to be the ruler her life for all eternity. I can not really explain in words the pure joy that i experienced but I can say that this was just the beginning.

Wednesday came I was able to spend some time with one of my new girls Mariah she is new to the youth group and this is the first time for us to hang out one on one. I was able to talk to her and really get to know her. I gave her the oppurtunity to ask me any question no matter what it was. She asked me what it meant to have Christ in your heart? She was around Celest the night before when she was telling people and Mariah was paying attention. She wanted to know what it meant and why she did it. We got coffee and I talked. As I was talking to her I have never prayed so hard in my life. I knew God's timing was pefect timing and though I might not be the one to lead her I am helping cultivate her soul for God's perfect time. We spent the night talking she would ask questions and the Holy Spirit would speak. He would put words in my mouth and I was God's tool in that perfect moment. We had a blast hanging out and I went to bed praying that God would touch her life. While spending time with God before bed this verse hit my heart.
2Corinthians 4:18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal
I realized that I wanted to lead these girls to know what they are living for. They are living for what they cannot see. They are living for what is eternal not for what is temporary. That once you are a child of God you live by faith not by site. 2cor 5:7. We live by faith, not by site. I have a love for Jr. high girls that penetrates deep into my heart. A love that I can not let go of. A calling to change lives as my life has been changed. I want to help these girls know our true Savior and the joy you get by being called a child of God.

When Thursday came I thought anything cool that was going to happen had happened already. I was so wrong. During the free time a group of our kids went down to downtown San Diego and served the homeless with HUM. Mariah came into the dorm with a new smile. After helping the homeless and watching a lady get lead to Christ and watching her friend except Christ as her Savior Mariah made that choice as well. She asked Jesus into her heart! I couldn't believe it. Two of my girls are now part of the kingdom of God. I immediately felt so small. I could not believe that God used me the way He did. I was so thrilled to be a part of these girls lives. I was even happier that they now had a eternal life with Christ. God used me this week when I had almost lost hope. When I thought I could not be used. I am so blessed to be a part of God's plan even in the small parts. Cause I know he uses me to harvest his crop. to bring others to know Him how I have been blessed to know Him. Though we each have different abilities and purposes, He uses us the same. I now have two girls that are part of the kingdom of God. I have to say that this week by far is one of the best weeks of my life. Seeing God work and being able to be a part of it is so amazing. I was a part of God harvest, I truly can not ask for anything more. I love Jr. High Girls and more then that I love my Heavenly Father!

UNIQUE - Just Because You Are.....

2008-06-04T14:10:00.000-07:00

So many days I feel just like this and do not know how to explain it. This just puts it to words perfectly!

When you think you are unique and you have so much going for ya and then you just find out what makes you unique is what is actually holding you back. That is why we have a GOD that loves us no matter what. Though we might not find ourselves useful, God always does!

Paper Airplane

2008-05-25T18:36:00.000-07:00

Ahh Sunday, my favorite day of the week, though it is almost always filled with a busy schedule such as church services volunteering, family meals, church meetings and hopefully naps, this day was not one of them. No, today was different; today something caught my eye that made this Sunday unlike any other.

So, while Ryan and I go through the motions of a Sunday morning routine by attending church and serving in our ministries I realized that I had two hours to spare before Ryan was done with his volunteering. So after I was done at 10:30 with Jr. High I took in some quick shopping. So, I decided I meet up with my sister to return an item then go back to the church to wait for him. Tired and ready for my 3 o’clock nap I retreated to the over sized leather chairs in the church lobby. Sitting there quietly closing my eyes from time to time, I noticed across the way sitting a very happy but serene looking elderly man. I would say easily he was in his mid to late seventies if not early eighties. He looked very healthy as he was sipping his Ensure and eating a granola bar. To my left was a younger boy sitting who was about 11. Just by glancing at this boy you could tell that he was bored. After looking around and watching the behavior of the people coming and going in the lobby I saw something that blew me away.

This elderly man had found a plan white piece of paper and had folded it very neatly into a paper airplane. I watched him as he carefully made the creases and paying attention closely to the smallest of details. At that moment the most startling thing happened, this was something I would have never of expected. This elderly man had made this paper airplane for this young boy. Better yet a perfect stranger! At first I thought they had to of known each other but after watching them further I realized they where complete strangers. This was adorable. This elderly man then threw this airplane to this young boy. The young boy then picked it up and attempted throwing it a few times with not much success. It would fall shortly after throwing it every time. After this happening a few times the young boy and the man exchanged some words not being able to hear them I am sure it was something like if you fold the wings you can make it go further or if you straighten this you can make the plane do this.

These two men generations apart had come together over a paper airplane. Surprisingly the boy was very receptive to the airplane and continued for some time throwing it. From time to time the young boy would return to the elderly man and they would tweak the airplane together for better performance. I sat there for almost thirty minutes watching this behavior. Shortly after the fun started the boy walked back to his mother who was sitting in the cafe leaving the paper airplane with the elderly man. The elderly man sat with the paper airplane still playing with it and messing with the folds and the creases to get it just right for 1 more throw. After a few more minutes the elderly man got up and walked across the lobby to the mother and the young boy at a small table in the café. To where he then sat down with two strangers as he introduced himself and they started in conversation. What was said I could not tell you; I can say I was very intrigued as I sat and watched. The elderly man continued to talk with both the boy and his mother. He then gave the paper airplane back to the boy and they again continued to throw it around the lobby. After a few more minutes the elderly man returned back to the comfy chair to relax.

I was astonished at what just happened. Though to most this would have been over looked and not even noticed. I saw something that was life changing. I saw the power of age and how no matter what your age you can affect someone’s life. This elderly man did not have to make that paper airplane but he did. He made a paper airplane and with that he made a friend to a young boy that looked like he really needed one.

After carefully digesting what had just happened I knew what this was, this would be forever the paper airplane effect. This effect is to step out of your comfort zone to make someone else more comfortable. Who knows if this affected this young boy or not but I can say by watching this it empowered me to be a better Christian. I am not proud to admit that I would not have done this or even noticed that this young boy needed some attention. I barely even took the time to think of anyone besides myself in that moment. What this man did was exactly what Christ would have done. He showed love, compassion and genuine friendship to a total stranger. This was a great example of WWJD?

So, who are you making a paper airplane for? Will you? Will you make someone’s day? I hope you do….. I hope my next chance I make a paper airplane too…

Myasthenia Gravis - So Many Questions

2008-05-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

So Many Questions????
OK, I want to give some info about MG so I thought I would pull some of my most used resources together and share them with those I love and cherish. The majority of the information you are about to read I got from www.ninds.nih.gov which is the National Institute Of Neurological Disorders and Stroke. It is the most right on that I have come across yet. I find it easy to understand and follow. So, here I go I will give an update of how I have been in another blog following this so don't worry OK!

What is myasthenia gravis?
Myasthenia gravis is a chronic autoimmune neuromuscular disease characterized by varying degrees of weakness of the skeletal (voluntary) muscles of the body. The name myasthenia gravis, which is Latin and Greek in origin, literally means "grave muscle weakness." With current therapies, however, most cases of myasthenia gravis are not as "grave" as the name implies. In fact, for the majority of individuals with myasthenia gravis, life expectancy is not lessened by the disorder.

The hallmark of myasthenia gravis is muscle weakness that increases during periods of activity and improves after periods of rest. Certain muscles such as those that control eye and eyelid movement, facial expression, chewing, talking, and swallowing are often, but not always, involved in the disorder. The muscles that control breathing and neck and limb movements may also be affected.

What causes myasthenia gravis?
Myasthenia gravis is caused by a defect in the transmission of nerve impulses to muscles. It occurs when normal communication between the nerve and muscle is interrupted at the neuromuscular junction - the place where nerve cells connect with the muscles they control. Normally when impulses travel down the nerve, the nerve endings release a neurotransmitter substance called acetylcholine. Acetylcholine travels through the neuromuscular junction and binds to acetylcholine receptors which are activated and generate a muscle contraction.

In myasthenia gravis, antibodies block, alter, or destroy the receptors for acetylcholine at the neuromuscular junction which prevents the muscle contraction from occurring. These antibodies are produced by the body's own immune system. Thus, myasthenia gravis is an autoimmune disease because the immune system - which normally protects the body from foreign organisms mistakenly attacks itself.

What are the symptoms of myasthenia gravis?
Although myasthenia gravis may affect any voluntary muscle, muscles that control eye and eyelid movement, facial expression, and swallowing are most frequently affected. The onset of the disorder may be sudden. Symptoms often are not immediately recognized as myasthenia gravis.

In most cases, the first noticeable symptom is weakness of the eye muscles. In others, difficulty in swallowing and slurred speech may be the first signs. The degree of muscle weakness involved in myasthenia gravis varies greatly among patients, ranging from a localized form, limited to eye muscles (ocular myasthenia), to a severe or generalized form in which many muscles - sometimes including those that control breathing - are affected. Symptoms, which vary in type and severity, may include a drooping of one or both eyelids (ptosis), blurred or double vision (diplopia) due to weakness of the muscles that control eye movements, unstable or waddling gait, weakness in arms, hands, fingers, legs, and neck, a change in facial expression, difficulty in swallowing and shortness of breath, and impaired speech (dysarthria).

Who gets myasthenia gravis?
Myasthenia gravis occurs in all ethnic groups and both genders. It most commonly affects young adult women (under 40) and older men (over 60), but it can occur at any age.

In neonatal myasthenia, the fetus may acquire immune proteins (antibodies) from a mother affected with myasthenia gravis. Generally, cases of neonatal myasthenia gravis are transient (temporary) and the child's symptoms usually disappear within 2-3 months after birth. Other children develop myasthenia gravis indistinguishable from adults. Myasthenia gravis in juveniles is common.

Myasthenia gravis is not directly inherited nor is it contagious. Occasionally, the disease may occur in more than one member of the same family.

Rarely, children may show signs of congenital myasthenia or congenital myasthenic syndrome. These are not autoimmune disorders, but are caused by defective genes that produce proteins in the acetylcholine receptor or in acetylcholinesterase.

How is myasthenia gravis diagnosed?
Unfortunately, a delay in diagnosis of one or two years is not unusual in cases of myasthenia gravis. Because weakness is a common symptom of many other disorders, the diagnosis is often missed in people who experience mild weakness or in those individuals whose weakness is restricted to only a few muscles.

The first steps of diagnosing myasthenia gravis include a review of the individual's medical history, and physical and neurological examinations. The signs a physician must look for are impairment of eye movements or muscle weakness without any changes in the individual's ability to feel things. If the doctor suspects myasthenia gravis, several tests are available to confirm the diagnosis.

A special blood test can detect the presence of immune molecules or acetylcholine receptor antibodies. Most patients with myasthenia gravis have abnormally elevated levels of these antibodies. However, antibodies may not be detected in patients with only ocular forms of the disease.

Another test is called the edrophonium test. This approach requires the intravenous administration of edrophonium chloride or Tensilon(r), a drug that blocks the degradation (breakdown) of acetylcholine and temporarily increases the levels of acetylcholine at the neuromuscular junction. In people with myasthenia gravis involving the eye muscles, edrophonium chloride will briefly relieve weakness. Other methods to confirm the diagnosis include a version of nerve conduction study which tests for specific muscle "fatigue" by repetitive nerve stimulation. This test records weakening muscle responses when the nerves are repetitively stimulated. Repetitive stimulation of a nerve during a nerve conduction study may demonstrate decrements of the muscle action potential due to impaired nerve-to-muscle transmission.

A different test called single fiber electromyography (EMG), in which single muscle fibers are stimulated by electrical impulses, can also detect impaired nerve-to-muscle transmission. EMG measures the electrical potential of muscle cells. Muscle fibers in myasthenia gravis, as well as other neuromuscular disorders, do not respond as well to repeated electrical stimulation compared to muscles from normal individuals. Computed tomography (CT) may be used to identify an abnormal thymus gland or the presence of a thymoma.

A special examination called pulmonary function testing - which measures breathing strength - helps to predict whether respiration may fail and lead to a myasthenic crisis.

How is myasthenia gravis treated?
Today, myasthenia gravis can be controlled. There are several therapies available to help reduce and improve muscle weakness. Medications used to treat the disorder include anticholinesterase agents such as neostigmine and pyridostigmine, which help improve neuromuscular transmission and increase muscle strength. Immunosuppressive drugs such as prednisone, cyclosporine, and azathioprine may also be used. These medications improve muscle strength by suppressing the production of abnormal antibodies. They must be used with careful medical followup because they may cause major side effects.

Thymectomy, the surgical removal of the thymus gland (which often is abnormal in myasthenia gravis patients), reduces symptoms in more than 70 percent of patients without thymoma and may cure some individuals, possibly by re-balancing the immune system. Other therapies used to treat myasthenia gravis include plasmapheresis, a procedure in which abnormal antibodies are removed from the blood, and high-dose intravenous immune globulin (IVIG - my treatment), which temporarily modifies the immune system and provides the body with normal antibodies from donated blood. These therapies may be used to help individuals during especially difficult periods of weakness. A neurologist will determine which treatment option is best for each individual depending on the severity of the weakness, which muscles are affected, and the individual's age and other associated medical problems.

What research is being done?
Within the Federal Government, the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS), one of the Federal Government's National Institutes of Health (NIH), has primary responsibility for conducting and supporting research on myasthenia gravis.

Much has been learned about myasthenia gravis in recent years. Technological advances have led to more timely and accurate diagnosis, and new and enhanced therapies have improved management of the disorder. Much knowledge has been gained about the structure and function of the neuromuscular junction, the fundamental aspects of the thymus gland and of autoimmunity, and the disorder itself. Despite these advances, however, there is still much to learn. The ultimate goal of myasthenia gravis research is to increase scientific understanding of the disorder. Researchers are seeking to learn what causes the autoimmune response in myasthenia gravis, and to better define the relationship between the thymus gland and myasthenia gravis.

Today's myasthenia gravis research includes a broad spectrum of studies conducted and supported by NINDS. NINDS scientists are evaluating new and improving current treatments for the disorder. One such study is testing the efficacy of intravenous immune globlin in patients with myasthenia gravis. The goal of the study is to determine whether this treatment safely improves muscle strength. Another study seeks further understanding of the molecular basis of synaptic transmission in the nervous system. The objective of this study is to expand current knowledge of the function of receptors and to apply this knowledge to the treatment of myasthenia gravis.

A little something from me!

Well I love you all and I have only just begun this wonderful life with MG. I still can't believe that it is going on three years and one year since I have actually been diagnosed. I have been so blessed with those I love always surrounding me with positivity and joy. God has given me strength when I did not think I had any and has given me laughter when I thought I would never have it again. Ryan has never left my side and that is a bigger blessing then I could ever imagine. To those I love thank you for supporting me and standing beside me through this new challenge in my life. I could not thank you all enough.

Much love and blessing from me to you!

Philosophy or Not?

2008-03-28T22:30:00.000-07:00

So we have all heard of the wonderful skin and makeup line known as Philosophy, right? Well, you are going to be fortunate enough to hear my nice little run in with the Philosophy sales girls. So, last weekend after having my friend Andrea tell me what wonderful success she has had with the Philosophy line I too wanted to venture out and try this wonderful product.

Now I want to preface this by saying I know by all means I am not the youngest looking or the best looking lady now a days. But on that note I do not think I look or feel my age (which if you do not know what that is I will not disclose at this time) Ok, I prepared myself for the trip. I am not a big mall person by any means. In fact I think shopping is way over rated and I would rather just go to a movie, LOL.

So off to Nordstrom’s I went. All dressed up and energized about my new purchase. Everyone knows you can’t get good service in Nordstrom’s looking shag so I made an extra point to make sure I looked more then my normal cute. So, I strolled to the Philosophy counter, I slowly walked down the aisle till the exact moment I knew I was ready to make my purchase, which was of their Makeup Optional Skincare Kit. I was given some samples on an earlier trip and I have to say I was surprised with how well they worked on my skin. So, I was excited about my new purchase.

So, I cautiously walked to the counter and look at the over dose of skin care products that was before me. I have to say I was still being hesitant for this will truly be my first time buying any type of skin care line from the “mall”. So, I started to talk to a young lady, some funny name like Cara or Sandra or Fancy you get the idea…So I told her that I might be interested in some of the Philosophy products that are available. She went on saying that Philosophy has many products that would work beautifully on my skin. Here is the stinger before I could even get out what I wanted she points to my forehead and says, we have a wonderful serum that will help get rid of that forehead wrinkle/crease. At that exact moment my mouth dropped! I could not believe what just came out of this woman’s mouth. Only a few days before had I even slightly noticed it but did not think twice about it being that visible. I really never thought about it to be so noticeable. I was seriously like; what the freak? I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I could not process this event fast enough. I know I should have said something witty and have this wonderful come back but I couldn’t. I just starred at here thinking to myself that I will not become one of those girls that gets all that plastic stuff done and makes their faces look like a Barbie doll. I will not become Joan Rivers! But no words came out my mouth, NOTHING! There were no words for this moment. I could not believe what this 20 something sales lady had just told me this Sandra, Fancy or Cara just blew me away. My ears could not believe it and my heart wanted to deny it.

Here I was, walking in feeling like a million bucks and walking out feeling I was not even worth a penny. I was all of a sudden so stressed out about my appearance. I had let another person have control over how I felt about myself. I have always had a strong self confidence and I felt it just flushed and gone. I all of sudden was so worried about what I looked like to not just myself but to other people. I told the lady to excuse me and I left the counter. Before I could even leave the makeup department I noticed as I walked out I had to stop at every mirror and all I could see was what seemed to be this huge line across my forehead. All of a sudden I felt old. I have never felt old I have never felt I looked my age and all of a sudden in a matter of seconds I was actually worrying about my age. I felt my youth just drain from me. Sure, I should have had some clever come back but I was blown away. I just couldn’t believe it. Even now a week later I could not believe it. I have not even had the nerve to tell anyone about this due to it was a low blow for me.

I am slowly recovering but who would have thought that after what one person said would turn me back into a Jr. High School Girl all over again. I felt like I was that awkward ugly 7^th grader that was getting picked on. Except this time I will not grow out of it. No this time will only get worst! So, though I have always thought my self to be beautiful I have this question in the back of my mind, am I? I know my husband and my friends and family say that I am but is this just out of kindness? I have these questions that will not escape me. Is the way I feel about myself the way others see me as well? I will say that I am sure to recover from this misfortune. Though this process is slow I know it does come. Till then I have been more then careful about my appearance and though this is not normally me, I just can’t seem to help it.

So, the theme of this story is who holds yourself worth, you or someone else? Should someone else control how you feel about yourself? Should someone else have the power to make you feel less then you do? Well, I know the answer but it is easier said then done I will say that. So, till I am fully able to get over this catastrophic circumstance I will just wear a bit more makeup and well I just try to cover it up. Maybe one day I will nerve up to become one of those botox girls… Ha ha ha ha

Prison vs. Work

2008-03-12T14:29:00.001-07:00

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer.

@ PRISON You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell.	@ WORK You spend the majority of your time in a 6X6 cubicle /office.
@ PRISON You get three meals a day fully paid for. @ PRISON You get FREE medical & dental work done	@ WORK You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. @ WORK You pay for medical insurance that may or may NOT cover the work you need done
@ PRISON You get time off for good behavior.	@ WORK You get more work for good behavior.
@ PRISON The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.	@ WORK You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.
@ PRISON You can watch TV and play games.	@ WORK You could get fired for watching TV and playing games.
@ PRISON You get your own toilet.	@ WORK You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.
@ PRISON They allow your family and friends to visit.	@ WORK You aren't even supposed to speak to your family.
@ PRISON All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.	@ WORK You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
@ PRISON You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.	@ WORK You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
@ PRISON You must deal with sadistic wardens.	@ WORK They are called managers.

7 Years

2008-03-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

I have an amazing story of a surviving friendship. After not hearing from my friend Lori in 7 years she came back into my life yesterday in the most random way.

Yesterday while I was at work I had gotten an IM from my sister Lisa. She said that it came to the church but attention Dena Billings. Lisa was weary at first for this was in my maiden name. Well, if you know me you know I have not had my maiden name in almost 4 years. So, with little time to waste she spilled the details of the invitation Lisa mentioned it was for someone named Lori Hileman. I was lost, Lori Hileman, who the heck is that? I don’t know a Lori Hileman, on top of that this person lived in VA. True I used to live in VA but did not know any girls that I met or wives that had that name. I was dumbfounded. I kept searching my memory bank to find out who this person was. Lisa continued to give me the details. After further scrutiny of the invitation and questioning her to the 9^th degree it hit me. It was like an epiphany. It was rather cool. All of a sudden I was blown away. My old friend Lori who moved away after she got engaged and we lost contact. She was back in my life. I was so ecstatic.

Lori had remembered that I had family that worked at Cornerstone and she took the off chance that I would get it forwarded to me. I couldn’t believe it. I was so excited. I was still at work and new I had to talk her. Then hit me I realized a problem. This was an invitation. The phone number on it was for the person throwing her the shower so that you can RSVP. Well, this person throwing her the shower does not know me. So, seriously at this point what are the chances that I call this person up and “Say hey, you sent me an invitation for Lori’s baby shower and I wanted to let you know I can’t come to the shower cause I am in AZ but I would love to speak with her can I get her phone number?” How crazy would that be, First of all? I can’t say I would give out my friend’s information prior to asking her consent first. So, what did I do? I took a chance. I picked up the phone and made the call. I started to tell my story. She was so happy to hear from me. She was sad I could not make the shower but was happy to give me all Lori’s contact info.

So, just seconds later after I had hung up I attempted to give Lori a call. I was distraught there was no answer so I took a chance and left a voicemail. I had one more shot in my gun and I was going to try it that was calling her at home. Nervous now, (don’t know why but I was) I heard the phone ring, once, twice three times. I couldn’t believe it. It had been this long and I still couldn’t reach her. So, I started to leave a message there as well when a familiar voice popped up on the other end. We both talked for the next two or so hours. It was just like old times. I couldn’t believe it. To make things even funnier the more where talking about what has happened in the past the more it seemed we had never lost contact at all.

One of the funniest things was Lori and her husband had only lived about thirty minutes away from Ryan and I when we in Virginia. I just couldn’t believe it. To think she was so close the whole time. Well, now we are unquestionably keeping in contact. Lori and I had so many good times including the marvelous night when we saw Gallagher in garbage bags. Good times and great friends never get old they just age well! I can’t wait to see her again. A trip is in the planning as we speak!

New Addition

2008-03-08T15:19:00.000-08:00

Ryan and I have a new addition to the family, his name is Murphy and he is an 11 month old Shih-Poo which is a Shih-Tzu and Poodle mixed.

Let me tell you his story on how he came to be a part of our home. Back in December around Christmas my mom was at Wal-Mart when there were two children giving him away to anyone that would take him. My mom of course being a dog lover fell in love with him immediately and home he went with her. . After spending a few weeks at my mom’s house and things not working out example he could not fit through the doggie door (the main reason) she realized that she could not give him the good home he needed. So, Ryan and I or I should say I went on a scavenger hunt to find him a good home and that I found! Though I wanted him for myself Ryan and had “laid down the law” and said we have one dog already (adorable Dottie) and we do not need another one right now. Heartbroken I agreed. I was fortunate enough to find him a good home with Eddie and Autumn Miles (our new Jr. High Pastor and his wife and their daughter Grace had just moved into a beautiful home and I knew they had lots of love to give. So, one sad day for me we made the short drive to Maricopa and dropped him off. It was not long after that till I got a phone call saying that Autumn was terribly sick (pregnant) and had become allergic to him. Things for poor Murphy where not going so well. I gladly told Eddie and Autumn that I would take him back till we found him a good home. Well after a week of having him I re-defined laying down the law by lobbying for Murphy. Saying he has been through enough! The poor boy has house jumped to many times and he is staying here with us (it sounds so much better when I say it, LOL) after some careful conversation s with Ryan he finally agreed.

So, now close to two months later I have a bouncy happy adorable baby boy in our home. How is Dottie taking it you ask? Wonderfully! They are best friends. They do literally everything together and when they are not together they both cry for each other. It is rather cute I must say. So, happy I am to have a new member and Ryan now admits is happy to have another man in the house. He is also happy that this new addition added 6 months of waiting to have children this is my negotiating skills hard at work. For Murphy, this is nothing but a win win. For me, how could you ever turn down a face that looks that cute? So, WELCOME MURPHY TO OUR HOME!

D's Manifesto

Jan 2012 - Commitment

Jury Is Out - Surgery 4/8/11

Hard Times Chateau Ghetto

Hebrews 11:6 = Earnestly

Hebrews 11:6

Belize - The Eye of the Storm *From a Friend*

Belize Mission Follow Up

Definition

WE Not I - Exodus 20:16

Update -

Belize Mission Trip Nov 6th thru 12th

Healing

ZIPLOC OMELET

Roses for Mama

Praise God!

Recovery

Thank Goodness for Non-Profit Organizations and Social Workers!

The Stages

Stages of Grief

Good Day

The Beginning of a Journey - Mom

Prayer Request

Test Results

Desiree & Jake's Engagement Pictures 2009

Zanzibar Cafe

Jason's Deli & Migraines

Southern Ten Commandments

A little Late you Think?

Catch Up - Happy New Year!

3 Generations - Happy Birthday Granny!

3 Years and Counting

I Went Short

Belize Mission 10/25 to 11/1 2008

I'm Home

Less Then 12 Hours

Prop 102 - Yes For Marriage

Two New Recipes!

Swing Batta Batta Swing - Sept 20, 2008

Another View Of Gales Point Belize

Pulse Blog

Gales Point, Belize Central America

Prayer Request

Just had to Share

News Flash - I am Sensitive

Options

Night of Excitment - Priceless!!

Make. It. Stop. - I just had to share!

“Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.”

Prayer Request

Unmistakably The Best

Dazzling Day

Vote 2008 - Could it Be?

All Smiles

Portacath

Harvesting

UNIQUE - Just Because You Are.....

Paper Airplane

Myasthenia Gravis - So Many Questions

Philosophy or Not?

Prison vs. Work

7 Years

New Addition

Belize - The Eye of the Storm From a Friend